JJGestapo's Journal

Hmmm you will see why this is the color of peeeeee...... 

I go back to school coem this staurady, today was my lats day of work and I gave my boss a card, a make shift package "suggestion box" and a card. I was just repremanded for having a drink in my room on my night stand wich sits above my laptop wich is at my bedside on a small endtabel stand.  he is saying hwo i will knock my juice off my night stand and break my computer.

Now i put my cup on teh floor in a little cup thrmal ring thing -and what doesnt help me b/c i am sick and miserable.  I had a head codl from my boyfriend earlier, and teh last day he was here, he was pestering me to have sex -wich was fien but long story short, after a little whiel I said no more b/c he had to get up and get ready to go hoe on teh train.  Not onyl taht but he was a bti on ym bad sider b/c whiel i may be on BC, my thign coems fron thrusday to thrusady -and I dont start teh white pills until sunday, so from thrudsay to sunday I have ending to no period, and am nto on pills until sunday -and even then you are supposed to be on them for a week before having sxe again -wichis hwo it says to by teh ruel sbook.  Normally I am good about him stayng or leaving during this time or hwo much we engauage sexually -btu on that night he first arrived and we were aloen downstairs, we were stuck in teh predicament of hwo good it was and what was to come -and in a very lats minute he decded to do his duty and fully knws what consequences he can face and will be waiting to knwo about.  i am sub and well, consciously thinking about ym next period and stuff, btu another problem taht is just as scary is at hand.

I shoudl have jumped all over it right away since I have had it once before and knwo teh feeling and recognize it.  UTI -painful, clenthing, nasty when let go untraedted.  When I first had it, I was unsure of whatwas wrogn with em until the handyness of teh internet helped put me in a godo idea of what I had and what to do -go to a doctor.  Once I got teh meds, I felt so much better, but that was at school, capable of handeling in my own privacy and faced teh leats ammount of embarassment.  Now I am on teh verge of going to school, friday my lats day hoem taht will be used to shop for supplies, and saturday i move out.

I knwo teh number ne rul in my hous eis no sex but I cant explain what it is liek to be todl no, but anyways....I think I have a possibel cover???  I am notorious for holding out my pee - a little too long perhaps, up to  whoel high school day f 8 hs, and I cant stress hwo unhealhty taht is for you T_T plus I am not a big water drinker, andother downer, and I have been eatign unhealhty work lunches lately and drinking up on caffines and very litel OJ.  When looking up info on UTI, I can see hwo i am doing everythign worng -except, I think I do a preety damn good job of peeing before/after sex, i feel an urge to do so naturally 95% of teh tiem after sex.  But I think what happened on monday was teh straw taht broek teh camel's back -too little watre, too mcuh soda and coffee and energy drinks all high in caffines and sugars which in excess is bad, little oj and fruits, esp when i woek outside and lal i crave is stuff taht can lead to irritations.  no wonder I get so sickly :P

So now I nede to ask mom to scheduel an appointment with ym doc who can hopefulyl see me, make an dappointment and get me tested and on meds asap.  I dont think waiting another day will help,e sp when lats tiem I had it in ym kidney from wiating and I was ready to die from pain, plus if I am to go shopping, I dotn want to be doing a bowlegged walk ro feel leik i am going to toss cookies or liek I am cramping :P  My heda is killing me and teh urg eto pee al teh time ...as I said preparing for battle, strappping myself in and going gunhow into teh bowl.  i need rest too, i am so tired, when visiting ym aunt an duncle I felt washed out and feverish -even thoguh when I took ym tmep i was 98.6 degrees F, practiaclyl perfect btu as now, my heda iskilling me.

Well i need to finsh a letter to my sweety, btu fo rnwo I am goingt o gulp down my glass of cranberry juics (actaulyl a staple drink in thsi house) , try to pee and cool it down 'down there' and get rest, i want to talk with mom asap and call ym doc.  Embarrassing yes, btu worth the nagging and meds and running around in fire pee discomfort and risk hospitalization from infection -I dont think so.  if it hurts, go see you doc asap, right?  that is usally ym motto but fear has me frozen, btu tis my halth, just liek ym infection before and my tooth problem I had, they needed to be treated, I coudlnt ignore those.  Oh well its embraessing yes, btu hey, it happens, and i need to be responsible.  lets hope I get my meds and feel better by teh end of teh day at least.

Wish my luck guys and some courage <3

Well, my onyl complaint with DS at this point -no saved draft for journals.  Over 5 times I have bene mid lengthy journalentires taht I at least spend an hour or more thinking about and venting to, to all lose......in one fatal click.  Wether it be accidental back button or page error/refresher or I suddenly need to relog in and lose all progress -well, it sends me into a fit of rage that makes me even more upset than I had started XD

Anyways, onto stuff, and lets hope fo rno errors or random crap ptoday wich makes me lose my progress XD....well I had this horribel friend dinner paryt this past weekend taht totally and I felt has SEVERLY damaged a friendship of mien with my semi-best??? friend, Sam, btu I tried explaining it once on here until ym page nuked so maybeits teh divine power telling me to drop it XD  Anyways, I always get this feeling from her (as you can tell I feel a bit sour towards her) that she is always better than anyone.  Her hari is thicker or softer and smells pretty liek her shampoo (which  envy XD since my hair always...smells like, graesy, clean, or even just wahsed:P), she has soft skin (unliek me who is quiet batterd by young puberty and just family natural imperect flesh), she is stronger than me, her perosnality is far more outgoing than mine, she seems to be liked by all( I think the key word to highlight might be 'think'),  she is not birdened by a boyfriend but has these awesome flings (supposedly), she is super pretty like her mom whom she looks just like -who is a slut btw, nothing I would be proud to be or look like b/c of that fact), is always doing soem fun amazing thigns every weekend, always getting drunk, think she is impressive b/c she loves tequilla (even though supposedly from her btw, knocks her down on her as s/bc she doesnt handle it too well) ro can pound all this alcohol down, this she is super smart (wich yes, she is quite smart, but to the point where she is beligerant about it and will argue over somethign that she is wrong about but will fight to prove she is right about just so she can be right in her own midn and make you look stupid)......anyways, too much.

Well, since a rainstorm washed work out a half hour early for us today, I said I wanted to be dropped off at my usual spot insteda of spending teh next hour with her wiatign to be picked up wich with all the gas crisis thing going on -is further away from my home and out of the way for my mom to pick me up from.  Anyways, I taked to Rory for about 20 minutes on the phone, then I super paked my belongings into my backpage and lunchpale, swapped out for dry shoes, hung my wet ones from my backpack looking like a dirty hitchhiker into teh pricechopper in the plaza I was at, and decided to splurge.  Yes yes I knwo, its not worth blwoing my precious money from my paycheck on consumables, btu I wanted to, I almost had to XD

I am on this kick to do girly shopping soemtiem soon -buy facial creams lotions, perfume especially, new undies, bras, shoes a lil outfit or something, hell i have even been planning to do a spa day thing and jsut absorb myself, super splurge soon.  I know, its out of my nature, btu being in a relationship, becoming older and wanting the attention of a male[s] requires soem preening, and sadly, not every guy thinking a chick smelling like Old Spice is necessarily hot or attractive....well for me smelling like that is nice b/c I love teh scent, but Im a tomboy now turning a bit fluff.  Well, i am gettign distracted...anywho, I like to get all cleane dup dressed up and I love feeling preety and well fo course, looking sexy and beautiful and confident, who doesnt?

So here I am fresh from a hot, muggy, muddy, wet, humid day or landscaping, with my backpack, lunchpale, and oh yes, I forgot, my makeshift plant hodler for my baby fern I save din its used stewards coffee cup XD in my huge boy shorts, and dirty wifebeater and watershoes turned to work shoes, walking through a food grocery store aroudn 3:30pm XD  I picked up a hand basket, my baby fern set inside nestled in its coffee cup, browsing isels for what excatly I was thinkign of buying.  I bought this aweosme handsoap, buy-1-get-1-free of this awesome honey-milk scent, 2 POM tea drinks, 1 unknowingly 'light' but teh flavor still appealing, Ponds facial cleaning cream wich is super smooth and awesome, a pack of sushi for later tonight, and Casmopolitan mag with teh latest quiet informative sex poll and soem preety cool tips and stories.  yes, i gto ymself a girl comfy evenign set up tonightm and yes, i am in a much better mood than this past weekend and monday/tuesday escapade.

Hence my latest girly up craze, I feel so much better when I feel like I am looking better.  Maybe I will splurge on soem bronzy makeup and blush, mascara, designer perfume, more cocoa butter to smooth out -hell I already picked up a new shampoo and conditioner and it felt great, and also a new girly-type deordeant (insteda of my usual XD). I just love doing little thigns to feel better.

I have also been browsing up deviant art every day and I am feeling more inspired to write and draw.  I am off to play my onlien game with my sweety and Seimon, but yes, i am feeling better indulging a bit in my inner lady XD

I was told i talk nonsense, and in teh end I feel stupdi I guess.  i mean then mom and dad wonder why I just sit in my room playing games then instead of watchign tv or dessert out at teh table.  I basically get told I talk nonsense and to be quiet.

Again, this goes abck to feeling liek I am useless, undescisive, and a burden....Maybe I am all hromonal now, btu I just feel hurt.  I am liek a cess pool of emotions right.

otherwise things are normal.....I have just decided that nmy bosses son is hot XD