rutowsle's Journal

My ex-boyfriend called me tonight. I still love him and after 3 and a half years I always will! I did alot of shitty things to him after I got into meth and yet he still cares about me. He once again said how much he loves me and always wil. It makes me feel good to hear that but at the same time it hurts too. I know how badly I messed up our relationship. What bothers me now is how well I was when I was with him, I started changing in alot of good ways without him doing anything. He just brought out the best in me. I was a good girl, I had someone to go home with I didn't resort to one night stands. When he moved I was devistated. If only I had stayed away from Anden and meth I could have moved down there after he got settled like we had talked about. Brian made me feel beautiful and wanted, he gave me confidence and he didn't have to do or say a thing. He just inspired me. He was so beautiful, when I looked into his face as he held me I knew I was ok, and I knew I was safe with him. The best part was we helped eachother, I inspired him to be better and vice versa. Its nice that we can still talk. That we both still love one another. Hearing his voice makes me feel so nestalgic... If only I could go back in time.