I haven't written in my journal …
I haven't written in my journal in sometime. Well, i am at day 14 with no gambling. I am feeling so much …
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I've decided on the songs I want played at ny funeral. I've written my final words to be read by the pastor, or my brother or my dear friend Jason. I know these decisions are dangerous, because they represent my resolve. I look at my hands and they seem to belong to someone else. Fingers that seems so elegant in their movements... Fingers that have written, cut and chopped lines.... Save me God please save me from myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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PLEASE don't hurt yourself! Sometimes things are too painful to take more than one hour, one minute, or even one second at a time. Can you say to yourself: "the only decision I'll make is to decide NOT to decide about hurting myself until some time has passed"- even if its just for today. I absolutely want to know how you are doing.
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kris