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I finally feel like I'm coming out of the dark that surrounded me over the holidays. The physical weight of depression hasn't lifted but my mind doesn't seem as clouded. Although I don't know if I still have my job due to shutting down over the holidays but honestly I still am not back into myself enough to care.
Seeing my sister on christmas was harder than I expected. Her voice reverberated in my head for hours afterward. I tried not to even look at her, resulting in me basically standing off in the corner. I know everyone could feel my anxiety and extreme aprehension but really what would they have been able to do? Nothing. When I got into my car with my friend Jason, I felt completely drained. He asked my if I was going to be ok, and of course I gave the mechanical response "I'm fine". Thankfully I will be seeing my therapist this afternoon. But I also have to figure out whether or not I still have a job, despite the fact that I don't want to go back. I may just have to swallow my pride and admit my meltdown. (Not that I don't think they don't know!)
Seeing my sister on christmas was harder than I expected. Her voice reverberated in my head for hours afterward. I tried not to even look at her, resulting in me basically standing off in the corner. I know everyone could feel my anxiety and extreme aprehension but really what would they have been able to do? Nothing. When I got into my car with my friend Jason, I felt completely drained. He asked my if I was going to be ok, and of course I gave the mechanical response "I'm fine". Thankfully I will be seeing my therapist this afternoon. But I also have to figure out whether or not I still have a job, despite the fact that I don't want to go back. I may just have to swallow my pride and admit my meltdown. (Not that I don't think they don't know!)
