Well, I don't really feel like …
Well, I don't really feel like writing in my journal, so I'm mainly writing to tell you that....I might not be …
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Mostly I feel like others are judging me. I feel alienated, like I failed at keeping a marriage together. Sometimes I'm embarrassed. Right now I'm a bit concerned because when A came to pick C up to take her over to his place to make a cake, I could smell alcohol on him.
I know all the books say this state of limbo won't last forever, but today, it feels it will last forever. I can't see my way out. A friend told me he and his wife were having a baby. I felt happy for them, but sad that I was not going to experience that kind fo family structure. Then I felt cynical, like I was certain that everyone was really headed for divorce.
I have wasted the money on the lawyer. I will be sad to hand that over to my father after I work my ass off this summer with the extra courses. But what am I going to do? How am I going to get him to pay the child support and daycare. I am NOT helpless. Damn that lawyer. I have got to take some action there.
I want to move. I will apply for this job, but I don't know if it's the right time. I hate this town.
I saw a heron today. A little reminder that there is a bit a peace somewhere. I need something to hold onto. I am holding in there. I have kicked all my habits. I am doing what I have to do. I am loving my daughter and every day I have with her. Every once in a while I catch a glimpse of something in the future. Right now, limbo sucks.
I know all the books say this state of limbo won't last forever, but today, it feels it will last forever. I can't see my way out. A friend told me he and his wife were having a baby. I felt happy for them, but sad that I was not going to experience that kind fo family structure. Then I felt cynical, like I was certain that everyone was really headed for divorce.
I have wasted the money on the lawyer. I will be sad to hand that over to my father after I work my ass off this summer with the extra courses. But what am I going to do? How am I going to get him to pay the child support and daycare. I am NOT helpless. Damn that lawyer. I have got to take some action there.
I want to move. I will apply for this job, but I don't know if it's the right time. I hate this town.
I saw a heron today. A little reminder that there is a bit a peace somewhere. I need something to hold onto. I am holding in there. I have kicked all my habits. I am doing what I have to do. I am loving my daughter and every day I have with her. Every once in a while I catch a glimpse of something in the future. Right now, limbo sucks.
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I wanted a new job too, and i wondered if it was the right time...if they would somehow see through my facade and realize how broken I truly am. But then I decided it was EXACTLY the right time..the time to move forward, grab my life by the horns, and go for it. In my interview I was exactly the person I am meant to be, and it felt good. Give it a try!!!!!
sleeplessinAR