Today is a better day. Thighs not …
Today is a better day. Thighs not burning as much as they were, but I suffered with a bad headache all day. i actually …
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I felt like I had a "jump start" on my week. Asked myself, what was in my control and have started to repaint my bathroom. I've also begun finding a good fit for a running group in my area (something I was avoiding because I felt vulernable and didn't want to be running with men other than my husband). I'm not as vulnerable anymore and I am a very guarded person with the opposite sex. My male friendships have been appropriate for years and years. I'm not worried anymore. I also did some research and have several new therapist's numbers to find out about. I feel like I'm on a roll of personal growth!!
Unfortunately, my marriage is taking a backseat. When we are together with the kids things are good. When we're alone, not so good. And when he's away from me, very bad. I can't help but remember the details of them sneaking around in dark places to make out like animals. It is so beneath the man I thought I married. You should see this woman he was infatuated with!! Ugh! No one can understand it, even he can't anymore. He says she the second ugliest person he has ever been with. Why?!! All of this wasted energy on such a low-life!
Anyway, here I am wasting energy on them again. I'm off to paint my bathroom and play with my daughter.
Unfortunately, my marriage is taking a backseat. When we are together with the kids things are good. When we're alone, not so good. And when he's away from me, very bad. I can't help but remember the details of them sneaking around in dark places to make out like animals. It is so beneath the man I thought I married. You should see this woman he was infatuated with!! Ugh! No one can understand it, even he can't anymore. He says she the second ugliest person he has ever been with. Why?!! All of this wasted energy on such a low-life!
Anyway, here I am wasting energy on them again. I'm off to paint my bathroom and play with my daughter.
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We have to try to think about more positive things, such as how good our marriage WILL be WHEN we DO finally get past all the drama! Easier said than done and this is therapeutic for me to tell you things that I am TRYING to do. It is not an easy process though. He is still the man that you married, that you love and cherish, maybe not as much. We all make mistakes, some worse than others. But, God doesn't look at whose mistake is worse. We have to give account for ourselves. And, not having a forgiving heart is a sin. (Yes, this helps me too!) And, don't you feel horrible recalling all the BULLSHIT. I do and how could he? But, how we think dictates how we feel and not what has happened. Only 10% of life is what happens to us, but 90% is how we look at it! So try to look at it like, someday I will get past it. And, it IS okay to be angry at times, because I still get angry. And, I play the silent treatment game, too. But, it takes so much energy. So I am trying to divert my efforts into fixing my marriage rather than further destroying. I challenge you to try and keep trying. You have a beautiful family and it IS worth fighting for! Now, why did God put man the head of the household when it is really up to us to run it, I don't know. Hang in there!!!
strong