strange problems...
Well I found out why I felt so sick the other night. I kept feeling weaker and weaker and starter to feel shaky …
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today hasnt been a very good day... last night i kept haveing dreams about my deceased cousin ashley.. she was calling me and i couldnt find her; but i kept looking. sounds pritty harmless, but it was terrible. i want to think shes happy, and in a better place but theres always a voice in my head telling me she isnt. i feel like instead of growing stronger each day, that im getting weaker. its been five months since she passed away and i still cant look at her picture of listen to her song without crying. i wish i could just see her, or talk to her one more time; and then everything would be okay. i feel like im letting my family down when i cry in front of them, so i keep it inside as much as possible and i have no idea who to talk to about it. i need someone that understands because theyve been in my shoes. i also feel like if i move on, and i dont let it hurt me anymore, i'll forget her , the memories will just leave me.
well i didnt get much sleep last night so im going to bed;
taima
well i didnt get much sleep last night so im going to bed;
taima
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Ashley is in a better place sweetie. she is so happy. she is calling you because she wants you to know she is ok. I had a dream that I was yelling her name over and over again and I was getting really mad at her for not answering, but she did and at the end of the dream she was happy. she is a part of everything beautiful now sweetie. it is ok for you to cry taima, and your mom will understand. I know you probably dont want to cry in front of seth because he doesnt cry much and guys mostly just dont want to think about it, but you can cry with your mom, or call me and cry with me. you can also talk out loud to ashley, i believe she can hear you and when you think of her she is right by your side. you will never forget her no matter what. what you are feeling is so normal for what we are going through. so many people feel that if they let go of the pain they are letting go of the person that died. ashley says "taima, you can do this!!!! dont be sad" she would probably add "shit ass" or something like that too. well I just want you to know its ok for you to be happy when you can, cause she would want you to be. I love you bigger than the light.
love
auntie
ashleyjeansmom
I agree with your auntie sweetie. I believe Ashley is very happy and so is my son. I know that we all think that if you laugh and enjoy ourselves that we are betraying them, but they would not want us to always be sad and not live life. I am here if you would like to talk. Love Melissa Gilbert's mom
lostbug