BloodyBoy's Journal

well its a few week long bout of dpression and utter hatred for people i dont hate and annother sleepless night, not sure why, my eyes feel like they have knives in them and my head feels like a 50 lbs weight i just wnat to sleep but i cnat get the feeling out of my gut that somthings wrong, every time i close my eyes and start to drift off i get woken up by somthing that feels like a punch in the stomach so ive been waitign at comp and by phone to see if bad news pops up. its just somthing dosent feel right. its so quiet and if i turn on music even on a low volume it seems loud and not right... i took some tums thinkign it might help but it didnt. ive tried to sleep 3 times already and everytime i just get slugged in the gut... i keep getting a feeling in my stomach that just refuses to go away its the feeling i got the night the barn burnt down, the ngiht cyrus jumped off the bridge, the ngiht my pops passed on, somthign about the night i went outside for a smoke earlier and it was pitch black out. there were no clouds and i could see the moon but i couldnt see my hand in front of me. it gave me that feeling that i was being watched. somthin just dosent feel liek it should. there were no insects buzzing or birds chirping the horses werent moving the skeeters and moths didnt even gather aroudn the porch light... its liek they were all hiding. all i could hear was the wind like before a storm when the temp drops it pcks up but then u get the calm part right before the rain hits or the thuder rolls or lightning strikes..... it was just the calm but there was no rain thunder or lightning. its rlly buggin me. well im gettin off comp for now i dont liek having my back to the door. ill write again as soon as i can.