ecko954's Journal

Just goin to write all this out. Put it all I a journal and it didn’t save. Kinda pissed about that, but oh well. So lets take it from my last journal, have hit rock bottom for the second time in my life. Gat a DUI a few months ago. Honestly was drinking to try and forget, and ended up blowing almost 3 times the legal limit. So hella fines and about 15 days in the slammer(required by law), I have defiantly cut down on the drinking and it has been the best thing for me in a long time. Also got busted with a bowl of weed, so I haven’t been smoking either. That was harder than quitting drinking, honestly. It has been the longest I have gone without either since I was 16. Not saying I have given up drinking but defiantly not going through a handle of rum every night either. Defiantly a good thing. So with that out of the way… I got an email from my ex-wife today… She said she was sorry for everything I saw, and everything she never showed me. Keep in mind she kicked me out of our house, and then I went to go pick up some clothes and some other guy was on top of her. So any way the email actually had an apology, and sounded sincere. That is a first since I caught her. It is also the first communication I have had with her since then. I moved out completely the same night. So anyway, got an email from her today saying that she still had some pics I might want, and that she wanted me to call her. Last I heard she was pregnant by other dude, and I really don’t know if they are still together or not. I would like to know, because I am still in love with her. Good bad or ugly I always will be, otherwise I would not have asked her to marry me. I am that devoted or stupid however you want to look at it. I am torn up because my head is telling me to stay away and my heart is tell me to find out if they are still together or if he kicked her to the curb. I really need some of you guys advice, because you have been there are there or are thinking the same thing. My lat write out of this was lots longer and lots more detailed, but I can’t remember and don’t want to go into all that detail again. It felt good to get it out once. I am confused, because I still do love her but don’t want to get my hopes up that they are done (and yes I would take care of the baby mine or not) of find out later on that she was using me again to get out of another bad situation. The first one was she moved in with a stripper that did coke all the time and the x almost got hooked till I came along, and she decided that I was better than what she was dealing with. So Please let me know and have your friends read this, I am not locking this one down, because I have heard so may different thing from my friends that are here in Colorado.
It has been a 50/50 split on what to do. I know no one can tell me what to do, im stubborn any way, ask any one! But I need some help here. Head = Stay Away
Heart = Find out, and go from there. Thanks for everything, I know I don’t tell you guys that I value all your opinions enough but I do! -J