lorial's Journal

Today for the first time in sayyy 10 yrs i have hope for my life to take a turn for the best...have always wanted peace and serenity in my life but due to circumstancesf was not able to have that..it feels so good to actually have that feelin of hope..i cant tell u how relieved i am...geez all i want is to be sick in peace..i know life has its ups and downs but mine has been downs for a long time now and i'm not talkin about my health. i can deal with being sick ..i just cant deal with the every day knawing stress i have had for years. i think that i will have a break in that sooon. i pray that i do.. its snowing again...we just got 6 or more inches overnite and its snowing again. oh well my tires on the car are awful so i guess i am housed for another day. thats ok ....would rather stay home and relax...everyone pulls me in every which way...every direction and its nice just to sit and relax and say no for a change. thats something that i have to learn how to do.its hard when all your life u have been a people pleaser...so hard to change...even harder when u are forced to chnge becuz you got sick. i lost everything when i got sick,,my apt. my pets u name it i lost it...no i'm not depressed..just rambling on. my bf just doesnt understand anything and i feel lonely. whats the sense of bein in a relationship if you are still lonely...would be better off without one...thank god we dont live together anymore...wow what a story...wont get into that now....