annsullivan's Journal

Here it is green Monday - I would like all you women who are meeting in Chatleston to have a safe & enjoyable trip.  Dan & I are going on vacation in Boston - niether of us have ever been there & we decided to visit a part of this great country we had never seen before.  You have to live outside the USA to really appreciate all that we have & all that we take for granted that others don't have & how very corrupt other gov't are.  I will now get off my soap box...

I really didn't know what to say today, but I was reading through me emails & came accross the following & thought it might be of some help to anyone....

Love & Hugs to all, Ann

Some Concrete Ways to Flow With the Shifts And Changes in
the Grieving Process
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Grieving changes us. We are never the same after a deep loss.
Often folks are deeper and stronger and more understanding. But
for some sadly grief leaves them bitter and hard.

None the less, I do believe that we have a some choice in which
happens.  We can choose to grow through the pain and become
better people. ( not easy work at all mind you, but rewarding)

As you enter into the huge change and shift in your world, there
are some ways to enter into the process and cope with the
changes. I shall list some of these here to help to focus your
process.

* Breathe into each moment. Do not try to do it all at once or
even think about the whole thing at once. It will may serve to
paralyze you and make it feel even harder than it is.

* Take companions with you along the way who are gracious, loving
and understanding of where you are in the process.

* Don't force things. Allow yourself to move through this process
in whatever way you can at that moment. If you are not ready for
a particular change yet, then wait. Allow the process to unfold.
It will in ways you cannot imagine.

* Don't try to change too many things all at once.  Some people
think they have to move things out or change things right away.
In fact it is not considered to be wise to do this too quickly as
we sometimes make decisions that are not clear when our minds and
hearts are muddied with the pain of our grief.

*  Keep doors open.  Even if you are not ready to enter into the
new way of being, wait and allow your heart to catch up with your
feet.  It is not necessary to close doors. This is the time to
feel and heal.

* Be gentle with yourself. This is not an easy process and the
shifts take time to learn to be with and to live with.

* Don't let other rush you or your process or force yourself to
hurry things along. Sometimes very well meaning people who love
us may what us to move forward before it is time.  Allow yourself
the time to make the changes you need to make.

* Trust your process. At first when you look at all the changes
you may need to make, it can feel more than you can take. Things
have ways of working themselves out as time moves forward. Be in
this moment...and let the next moment come when it comes.

* Find something that you love and that brings you some sense of
sameness to continue to be  who you still are.

* Spend time doing things that help you to feel secure as the
world around you is shifting and your reality is no longer the
same. This will help to ground your experiences.

* Above all remember there is no right way to grieve or to enter
into all the changes that come with the loss of your precious
loved one.

* Allow yourself to come to the healing place and as you do, the
ground beneath you will not feel as overwhelming and the hope
with come back to your soul.

* Shifts in grieving are inevitable and many. Life simply changes
when a loved one dies. It will never look the same again.  These
shifts are often devastating but they do not have to be life
threatening.

* Sometimes shifts even move us to places of even greater health.
But not by skipping around the pain. Go through your pain
honestly and at a pace you can handle.