Here I am beginning another year …
Here I am beginning another year without you Elvin It is so hard and I am just so tired. Tired of conitnuing to wake up …
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OK I have finally come to the conclusion that it is just to painful for even close friends to come along side of us in this difficult journey that we are all on. I am tlaking to my closest friend this morning about how difficult this month is for me even after 4 years and once again she has to run. People always have to run if you say truefully how you are feeling. For them to stay beside you they would have to enter into your pain. I can't blame them I guess. I probably would to. I would probabley run as fast as I could instead of feeling the pain that I feel now.But where does that leave me alone. Alone with the memory of what if's. That is all I have of Elvin is memories. No chance to change my life with him to right the wrongs. So where do I go from here. How do I accept my wrongs and go on. Isn't it wrong of me to want to go on? To want to feel alive? Elvin doesn't have that choice he is gone. Gone from my life never to live to feel the joys that life has to offer. So what now? Where do I go when I am so alone and so friegtened of going on? Why us why were we dealt this hand? I don't want to play I want to fold.I just want my life back I want you back Elvin I want to feel alive again. My heart is broken torn in to how to you put that back together when a piece is missing? How? Please just tell me how?
In faith hope and love. Pam
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oh goodness, honey. sending you big {{{hugs}}} to let you know i do understand and that i am here. love you! ~ charlayne
Charlayne
It is not wrong to want to go on...life is new for us now and I don't think that our loved ones would mind at all if we rediscovered ourselves...maybe you can think of something you might want to try...then maybe sum up some courage and try it.
I always wanted to learn how to do beading...but never had the time, etc....or never made the time...no one was interested in doing it with me, so I went alone to a class...I would have never done that before...It felt good doing it...I felt creative, something I had not felt in a long time.
My point being...after I did this small thing, I felt lighter in my heart...like I could go on...that i would survive...that I could have a new life and find some joy...I guess what I am saying is that it opened my mind to the possibility of some joy in my life...
Take care,
Ann
AnnM