comet's Journal

Do any of us really know what a precious gift life is? Or do we only come to know that after we lose. I feel so lost today. Lost in my grief. Lost in the memory of the son I lost. How do I find my way? Or is their a way out of this pain or do we just continuely struggle like a rat trying to find his way out of a maze only to get turned around and stuck again. Lord help me I am so tired today each step forward seems to take me two steps back.

Ate the end of the day may I always be left with faith, hope and love but the greatest of these is love.

I love you son.  

Here I am again getting ready to celebrate my sons birthday without him. It seems so difficult this year to celebrate. His life had just begun. So much left undone, unsaid. I went to his grave today to clean it up as if in preperation of a celebration. Would things be different if I had only? I miss you so son. So my dear son as I lay my head down to sleep Know how very much your mom loves you and how very much your missed. Please God, open a window from heaven tomorrow so that I may know that my son hears me say Happy Bithday Son I love you.

IN OCTOBER

IN OCTOBER

WHEN ALL THE LEAVES HAVE CHANGED

WHEN THEY ARE FALLING TO THE GROUND

AND THE BIG DAY COMES AROUND

I WILL REMEMBER

HOW YOU CAME TO ME ON THAT WARM DAY.

IN OCTOBER WHEN YOUR BIRTHDAY COMES

WHEN I AM SADDENED

TO THINK YOU ARE ALREADY GONE

I WILL REMEMBER

THE SWEET SOUND OF YOUR FIRST CRY

IN OCTOBER

WHEN I AM OVERCOME WITH FEAR

WHEN I BECOME AFRAID TO OPEN MY EYES

AND FACE THE DAY OF YOUR BIRTH WITHOUT YOU

I WILL REMEMBER

WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO BE YOUR MOTHER

EVEN IF ONLY FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

IN OCTOBER

WHEN I FEEL THE TEARS COME

WHEN I HIDE THEM AND FIGHT A FAKE SMILE

SO NO  ONE WILL KNOW HOW VERY BADLY IT HURTS

I WILL REMEMBER

YOU FOR WHO YOU WERE

IN OCTOBER

WHEN I WEEP FOOR YOU

WHEN I THINK HOW LITTLE TIME

YOU AND I HAD TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER

I WILL REMEMBER

WHEN IT BECOMES TO MUCH

WHEN HOLDING MY HEAD UP IS IMPOSSIBLE

BECAUSE THERE ARE TO MANY MEMORIES AND TO LITTLE TIME

I WILL REMEMBER

THAT YOU ARE HAPPY AND ONE DAY I WILL GET THE CHANCE TO MAKE UP

FOR ALL OUR LOST TIME

IN OCTOBER  

   Hi everyone,

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. I am doing OK trying to stay busy and keep moving forward. I still wake every morning with thoughts of my son and go to bed at night with thoughts of him. It is hard to believe I have been on this journey for almost five years . My sister lost her husband recently in a automobile accident. Except it really should not be called an accident. A woman drunk, driving the wrong way on the interstate struck his vehicle head on as he topped a hill killing him and a 15 year old boy instantly. Please pray for her as the journey ahead of her is a tough one. The woman plead not guilty and is free on 10,000 dollar bail. How can you possibly pead not guilty when you are drunk and have traveled 8 miles on the the wrong side of the interstate, sideswiping two vehicles and then hitting and killing two people changeing their families lives forever. What was... will never be again at least not while you are here on earth. Does anyone know a good book on losing your husband? I have lots of books on losing a child but none on a spouse. I pray that all is well with everyone. You all remain in my daily prayers.

In faith, hope and love,

Pam