whatever4andnomore's Journal

Today was beach day!! I packed a picnic lunch and we went to the beach.  No, not to THE lake.  But an inland, man made lake that is adjacent to the Rec Plex we go to. (In stark contrast to Lake Michigan, you can walk completely around this lake in 2.25 miles!  I have done it several times!)  Garrison has been bugging me for the last two weeks to go.  So, today being my day off, we went!  Sometimes you forget how wonderful just a day spent in the sun with the kids can be.  You also forget that 6 bucks buys enough sand toys for an entire summer for 2 children.  (The older ones could care less about sand toys, LOL!)  Also, who could forget sand in the swimsuit that leads to sand in very strange places!  (ok thats not so fun, LOL!)  Also, do you ever notice that sitting and doing nothing by the water makes you hungier than you ever will be doing anything else?  Yeah I pigged out!  Sandwiches and chips.....

I am making big strides in doing more with the kids.  House work, thats another story, but I am slowly making progress there too.  I just wish I knew how to make this marriage more alive though.  Yes, we are getting along, but I feel so disconnected to him a good amount of the time.  I guess that is just going to take more work and time.  I just wish I knew what this big empty hole in my heart comes from!  I am starting to realize its NOT anything to do with Tim!  There is this nagging empties that has been there since I can remember.  I thought getting married and having my own family would be teh answer.  It IS to a point, but not totally!  I sure wish I could get to the bottom of that before I drive everyone I care about away!!  UGH!  I am learning, slowly.  VERY slowly!