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i guess the title of my journal pretty much explains what this one is about. i have cut twice since being home from the hospital and last night i really want to slit my wrist but i just cant bring myself to do it. if i had my klonopin right now i would take some and go back to sleep. i dont know what else to say but that i am so down right now that everthing feels dark. and i feel all alone i know im not but i feel like i am stranded on an island all by myself away from anyone.
lifes a bitch!!!!
UPDATED GOALS
find out who i really am
Progress 35%
Encouragements: 2
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get closer to my hubby
Progress 50%
Encouragements: 0
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Comments
Sorry i have been gone guys i have spent the last week in the psych center getting some meds adjusted. and trying to cope with some issues i have been having with my sister. i am home now still depressed a little because of my sister but i am no longer feeling suicidal or wanting to hurt myself ok well i take that back i still want to cut but i cant tell nate or V that because they will want me back in the hospital i lied when i said i didnt have thoughts of hurting myself because in fact i still do!
UPDATED GOALS
find out who i really am
Progress 45%
Encouragements: 2
Add your support
get closer to my hubby
Progress 85%
Encouragements: 0
Add your supportComments
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i am proud of u my dear friend xxxxxxxxxxxxxplease dont cut urself u be left all scars darling xxxxxxxxxxx
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Hi sweety i miss you i didn't even know you were in the hospital again hun,what am i going to do with you hun,you are so kind and sweet,and you can be funny at times,and i miss your smile,well now i am down in the dumps and confused and lonely,i guese it happens to us all at times,the dam voices have started in my head again,makeing me confused,read my last journal,please honey do not cut yourself that just makes things worse,huggies for you hun,much love,your friend,carla...xxoo Bless you hun..
well i was sad about my sister leaving NOT ANY MORE!
that stupid bitch told my mother that she doesnt have anyone here and that when she brings my neice over here i only play with her for like 5 minutes and then she takes care of her BITCH BITCH BITCH!!!!!!
i play with my neice the WHOLE time she is here unless she is asleep or fussing really bad because she wants her mom and i cant get her to stop. so fuck her the stupid bitch she can fucking take care of her dumb ass self from now on she is not allowed over at my house to use my computer, eat my food, NOTHING i am washing my hands of her......
FUCK I CANT BELIEVE I LET HER SUCKER ME AGAIN
Comments
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I am so sorry that you are dealing with that. What she did was soooo wrong. I understand your anger
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i am so angry at her that i am starting to go numb with rage AHHHHH
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Brany I am so sorry she is being that way. You have every reason to be upset.
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it is unfair that she would lie like that to your mother. unfair and wrong. i am sorry that she is treating you like that, but is that a good enough reason to disown her completely??
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I hope you set your mother straight! And I agree...it's time to wash your hands of your sister's bullshit if she's gonna be pulling stunts like this (and other stuff!). And so what if yr sister comes to visit & she ends up watching her daughter part of the time...it *is* HER kid after all!!! Sheesh!
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Hi hun i am so sorry you have to be put through that shit,i have a sister also,we have not spoken in 5yrs.,now and i will not lower myself to try and get along with her,she is one of thosr people who thinks she knows it all,and she thinks she's all that and them some,she runs me down behind my back and i cout her,she also thinks shes better then every one elas,so i don't get along with her at all,so things are going to stay this way,i well not kiss her ass ever again,so i know how you feel,just avoide her,and leave it that way hun,you got your well being to think of and thats what counts the most hun,you just take care of you and never mind the rest,huggies for you hun,much love,your true friend,carla...xxoo Bless you hun..
Past Entries
Goal Updated
Yeah you're right. Life is a bitch. Either we get up and move on or we allow our disorders to name us. GET UP!!!! I don't mean to sound harsh, but life is hard and we both know it. The only way to get through is to realize that we are not alone, that there are people willing to help us and that we do know ourselves. I know you are struggling. I am struggling, too, but together we can talk through things and work them out. I am here. Talk to me.
LilyMaid
Oh B, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. have you discussed this with your Dr? Maybe your meds need to be changed up. I'm praying for you, and I'm here if you need me.
sunni185
Read Psalm 91 when you start feeling the darkness approach, God bless you!
jvega
Hi sweety,Brandy,Brandy,what more can i do honey,i am in a lot worse shape then you are honey,you would not want to be in my shoes hun,not being able to walk anymore,suffering in cronic pain every day of your life,crying every day for the pain is so bad,i am also totely alone all the time,no one to hold me ,no one to talk to,empty arms for 9yrs.,now,i have no kind of life,it even hurts for me to go to bed,because i can only lay on my back,and then my back starts to pain,no it is no fun i am haveing,allways remember honey there is allways someone else out there in worse shape them you are hun,and maybe you could bring a bit of happy to there life sweety,you can smile i know i saw you,you are a strong women i know that allso,you just need to fight back a look after your own life,and self,before you lose it all hun,you can see that cutting yourself is doing you no good,i only want to help you sweety,but you must try to help yourself as well,there is no one who can do it for you honey,you have to do it yourself,i am sure you don't want to be locked up in a mental ward,that is not fun believe me,you need to get yourself up and be a wife to Nate and make a home a loveing home now,you think you are fat so you say,well i weight allmost the same as you hun,so don't listen to other people who just want to hurt you hun,stand up for yourself honey,you can do it honey,just put some effort into it honey,huggies for you hun,much love,your friend,carla...xxoo Bless you hun..
carla7777