Journal Entry for June 10, 2007
Every time I stop actively doing something I find I'm staring at a wall. There's something in me that won't stop crying. I …

is feeling Horrible
32, live in the UK. No kids or partner.
Photography, archery, reading, music, cinema, swimming (when I have the energy i.e. not often...), driving, cars, gadgets, computers, learning things, Spooks, House, World of Warcraft
Every time I stop actively doing something I find I'm staring at a wall. There's something in me that won't stop crying. I …
I'm scared. I'm at a blank, loose end. I keep thinking about cutting. It's been three years and it still turns up in my …
God. These things just keep turning up in my head. Foul images that make me wince with my whole mind and body. I wish I could just …
• I remember that my bedroom walls were painted blue and that for years I hated blue on walls, couldn’t live with it, never wanted it …
• I used to wish I had a sibling to take some of the flak and share the hate, someone else in it as well. • I want to hurt myself to …
I don't know. I'm only just beginning to remember. Does that mean I'm lying? I don't know.
20 years now, still fighting, finally beginning to believe I'm winning.
Anorexia, bulimia, compulsive eating, bulimia again...
Compulsive spending. Trying to sort it out and stop. Limited success so far.