cmain's Journal

Hi cmain

The lack of intimacy...the desire for fantasy and excitement over real sex...the progression from one form of arousal (porn) to another (smut lines) strongly indicates that he is a sex addict.

If this is true, it will get worse. He has a chemical dependence (dopamine) which means his brain will continue to want stronger and stronger stimuli ...unless he gets "clean".

He also probably has deep emotional scarring which he needs to address in therapy. Many sex addicts have other addictions as well...like alcoholism.

You probably know from your experience with him through AA that addicts need people who will help them face reality...not enable their addictions.

Stay strong.

colin

Sounds very frustrating. It makes it difficult when two parents don't agree with the kids. Hope you can help him see your point of view.

No, I don't think you'll likely ever make him see your point of view. If he hasn't gotten it by now, then it's probably not his intention. Sounds like princess has him pretty well twisted around her finger. He's jonesing for her love.

Girl what are you going to do about him? I mean the stress you are under is unreal and is also it will really take a toll on your health if it has'nt all ready. There is no cooperation from anyone to support you in your family at home and hon that's just not good. Life is way too short for the crap you go through. When was the last time you laugh hard you were in tears? When was the last time you just had some fun with your life? You deserve to be happy. Not this crap.

I think, it is time to get rid off him. I don't know your situation, about financial support from him. But if he doesn't give you any, you should get rid off him. Why should you go through hell day for day.
I sure would know more in order to give you more advice.
((((((((Cmain)))))) from Hendrik ( Tulp)

I know the actions of your husband creates lonilness in your heart. He has shown you no love and respect. Every couple I counsel with struggle with the same issues. My wife has the same struggle with me. What has helped us what we are really fighting for. I have a tendency to fight to prove I am right. I try to hard to prove myself. The key is to fight for his heart. When I am fighting a good fight I am asking question for the purpose of gaining understanding. Once I hear my wife's struggles, I offer my self to her. It's so hard to do because I am so selfish. Before you approach him, you need to look and face any possible selfishness in you. Marriage or any relationship is a struggle, learn to struggle well!

Actually... been in this exact situation... Damn. Pissed me off.... Badly... Never understood what was so difficult in standing up to your child and holding them accountable... Feel for ya!!

I can relate to you when you talk about men not listening or understanding. I can talk to him and not get a single response or request, even if I block his vision from a game or something. It's tough not having the person you talk to listen to you :( and then they wonder why you are angry or why you are so outraged. Take a deep breath and submerge yourself in something fun :D Remember, men work and think differetly than women (its no excuse or anything, but I think they handle things emotionally and stuff, so no wonder it is frustrating!!!)

Yea, it sucks that I can believe that he just sat there. That's exactly what my husband did while his mom told me what an idiot I was. Sometimes, men don't know how to deal with the new additions in their lives verse the old. I'm sorry, I wish this story had a happy ending and I hope for you it does, hang in there! ((hugs))

Have you read any of Deborah Tannen's books? I think that's her name. One in particular, called "You Just Don't Understand" may be an eye opener for you. But I sure agree with you. Good luck. Joan

you are heard loud an clear --dont you no men have selective hearing.they hear what they wont to hear not what we wont them to hear.

Sweetie - Have you not figured out yet that for the most part men are jackasses and it's up to us to train them. Like dogs, they may never learn. Don't mean to be so cynical but I'm getting sick of how pathetic they can be, been around a few new ones these days and do not see the difference. Maybe it's just me, but it is wearing me out. XX Michelle

Glad you are back. We talk and they hear...yada, yada, yada. ;-) Humor helps on some days.

yep, its true!! amazing how they can tune in and out when they want something...kind of like a canine (at times)...have you had to use the mouse traps or glue lately?

Yes, dear.zzzzzzzzz......I hear you...........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Do you ever wonder how often you selectively ignore his remarks?
I don't think anyone listens to anybody else with rapt attention
100% of the time. dave

definitely! My husband will act like he's listening (and he's pretty convincing) but never do what it was I was talking about.

Listen you can yell at them until you are blue in the face it won't do any good. I think it's the water they all drink it some don't swallow so much *smiles* They won't change and you can't change them you are only fighting a losing battle. But I admire your stamana.

Glad to see you back. There is a great book by Susan Forward entitled "Emotional Blackmail" - she deals with this issue in a sort of oblique manner. Good thing he's repeating you - but if you think he is still not hearing you - maybe you make him write it down - he'd have to think about it a little more. You know - like when you were a kid and a teacher made you /me write something 100 times on the blackboard so that you'd remember it? Well if it worked then it just might work now:) Take care.

Whoa, back with a bang. I hear you sweetie. Come around more often and get that stress out. Men? I am married to one and for the most part we leave each other alone until we want to go have fun or talk about money. I run my life the way I want and If he wants to come along for the ride then he needs to keep up and vice versa. If he is lucky enough to listen then we have a great time but if not then I go find something to do with friends. Hope you get yours worked out. My relationship is no model.

Hello Sister, Thanks for requesting my friendship. As ya probably know Im one of the few men on this sight that gives a shit about all,( Maybe I shouldn't of typed it like that oh well)I dont do domestic advise Im no Dr.Phil. LOL! But after reading this last entry you did. If shit is that ignorant in your relationship! Fuck it! Its not worth anyone to beat thier heads on the wall trying to make things work out. Sister, my feeling are that 50/50 split in DURING ALL RELATIONSHIPS!!(GOOD TIMES&BAD TIMES) Its the small things in life that makes us happy sister, The more ya try to make one's partner happy the worse it gets. Because one has got to be happy with themslves first! I dont know if this helps.But everyone should be honest thru thick and thin, Take care sister, I support ya!!!!!!

Maybe if you stood near him with a frying pan he`d pay more attention LOL I`m glad to see you posted again.Big Hugs!

Get a big hammer.

I hear you!!

Perhaos he hears but doesnt agree? I think it is best to ask. I have a W that hears but chooses not to listen. I know she chooses not to b/c I ask. Doesnt help much from a frustration perspective but it does open dialogue. I need to decide and have been, whether it is a big enough issue to do something about it. I have decided not to ask any more and just do. Cut the phone off. Disconnect the cable for the computer whatever you need to do. He will listen then, I bet you!

I feel the samething with my hubby.