ponyboy's Journal

I feel a little better today. The big breakdown I was expecting yesterday never came. There were a bunch of small ones through out the day.

After work my STBX had to go to a lawyer together regarding another matter, it was about a 45 minute car ride each way and we were able to discuss things a little bit. She keeps saying she is so sorry for this and that she can't help the feelings she has for the OM. She tries to reassure me that I will find someone else and that she hopes I get that AH-HA feeling she got when she felt it with him.  She keeps telling me to go out and date someone. 

 It is so frustrating that she doesn't understand how emotionally devistated I am from this right now. I would try to make her understand and then she would start to get defensive. 

It didn't help my feelings and hurt any that she was wearing one of my favorite skirts and had her hair all curled up and her perfume. She was dressed up because it was her last night of dental assisting class and the whole group was going out to eat, drink and then stay at a hotel and party.  I did get her a card to congradulate her on finishing class and getting her new job.

Later on last night my Pastor who has been a great counsel through this came over and we talked about things and prayed together. He reminded me about Jesus' word in the sermon on the mount. about loving your enemy and by doing it will be like heaping burning coals on their heads. Beleive it or not he actually prayed that this whole new relationship mySTBX is building, blows-up in her face, because it is a relationship born of the sins of adultry. He also prayed for continued strength for me and the kids.

I guess that the talking to him and the prayer helped. Tonight I have another counseling appointment and then a softball game.