Mantha's Journal

Well this is the start of something I hope will ease the pain. All know that I came home and found the man Ihad loved, fought and talked to for 25 years dead on the kitchen floor. Since then I have cried, thrown up, screened, cussed and declared all to no changes. All I want is for him to be sitting on the couch when I get home each day. He did the cooking and cleaning since he could not work and sinc he is gone cereal is too big an effort. Plele tell me I am being self centered to want him back but I don't care. Seems like since he left everything goes wrong. Can't find things, health is shot, car is screwing up, money is never enough and all the "first" thing like the girls' homecoming (he did the shopping and bought the dresses), Father's Day, my birthday, Halloween (he sat at the gate and passed out candy) and just watching television (his shows) really sucks. I don't want to go on but all say that is self centered too. I feel like I woke up one day and was old, ugly and aline all at once.

Sam