BPsux's Journal

My crush has been found out! Chris knows I like Bobby Flay, and he uses it! I don't know how he figured it out, but I was sitting there watching Boy Meets Grill today, and he pointed out that Flay has a wedding ring... I don't care, I want to cook like him! The man is my hero! Today, I found peace of mind, true joy, even for awhile, and it was bliss. It was mostly me and Em for most of my babysitting, and she was in such a good mood, and it was so cute, we played in the yard, and I set the hose nozzle for mist, and was spraying her, and she was laughing so hard she was coughing! It was so damn cute! Then I took her inside, and sat in the chair, and she fell asleep cuddled up to me. It was nice, especially considering how bad my head hurt by then. She slept right until Jen got home, and then some. Jen is the oddest person I have ever met... She bough me a present today for being a good freind... I was so confused. Of all the times she has been there for me, of all the times she has seen me lose it, and she thinks that I, queen of the lunatics, am a good friend? She got me a really sweet card that she wrote nice things in... okay, I am NOT good at expressing emotions, so I just sat there and stared at her. I asked her what I did, and she said that I have done so much for her. Honestly, I'm still confused. But it made my day, I will admit. I was so touched I just froze up... good thing she understands me. She is odd though. I didn't go to her birthday party, me, her best friend, because there were people there... and the day of her party, there were a few dozen people at her place, and I phoned and told her I was bringing her gift over, and she actually came outside before I even got to the door so I would not have to go in. I felt like an ass, and I appologized, and she just gave me a hug and said it was ok, she understood. What the hell? Jen is the most outgoing, fun loving, freindly person anyone could ever meet, we are COMPLETE opposites, and she understands? Really, we have nothing in common other than our freindship. I am a video game loving nerd, she doesn't know what an xbox is. I tweak computers for fun, she buys a new one everytime she gets a virus. I hate people, I have one freind. She loves people, she has about 200 friends, and that is not an exaggeration. I am moody and rarely outgoing, she is never sad or angry. I finally asked her why she is still my freind, after everything she has seen, all the stupid things. She told me that yes, she has seen me, psychotic and wired, she told me that when she sees me lose it, she doesn't even recognize me, my eyes are not my own. So I asked her again why she is my freind. And you know what? Her answer was so simple. Here are her words. "I am your freind, and freinds aren't allowed to judge." Okay, good enough for me. She is still wierd though... it's hard to explain, but if someone met us seperatly and really got to know us, they could not imagine us as freinds. I'm so excited! Emmy is going to be 1 next week! Another party I will miss, of course, but what the hell. I just can't do it. And it isn't just the anxiety. I have met precious few of Jens freinds, and I can't stand a single one of them. Trust me, I have tried, but I can't. But I will still see Em, and take her her gift... she is such a little angel... They went to Camrynn's grave for Cammy's 2nd birthday, and Emmy made such a mess, she threw cake everywhere, had a total riot! I saw pictures, it was crazy. I guess she has to make mess enough for her and her sister, eh? Time passes so quickly, doesn't it? It seems like it was not long ago Emmy was born, and Camrynns tomestone was bought, and now Cammy is 2, and Emmy is going to be 1. It's scary. You know, I never got to meet Camrynn. I never knew Jen. It's hard to beleive that we have only been freinds over a year, it feels like I have always known her. I guess that is what those instantanious bonds are all about though. Well, as much as I do regret never meeting her first daughter, I get to do double time with Emmy. That will have to suffice. And Em is growing for the both of them. I really think god puts certian people in our lives for a reason, and that little Farell family is a group of the ones meant to touch my life. Well, enough enlightened crap. I am making buffalo chicken for dinner. Ew. I used to really hate it, but it has grown on me, and now I will eat it. It must be an aquired taste. Oh, speaking of which, I think I am burning the chicken....