Today is a big day in my life, …
Today is a big day in my life, my son's PO is coming to my apartment at 11am this morning for a home visit. Then she …
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I have been thinking alot about my life. I married a man who already had two children by his first wife. One year into the marriage, we got custody and we (mainly I) raised those two and two or our boys. I have no regrets about bringing up his two children. I truly believe they turned out well and I take alot of credit for that. Where the problem comes, is never in my life did I think that my two biological boys would have to deal with other people in their parents lives. I know how hard it was on my step-children. Eventhough my boys are grown, the thought of them having any feelings for this bimbo in my husbands life just makes me furious. All I can hope is that they are grown and will not be as accepting. At least at this time that is what I hope. Right now a part of me still wants them to want nothing to do with their father. I know that their relationships will always have a lack of respect. I guess all I can do is continue to be the supportive mother and try to keep my feelings out of their lives.
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Atta girl! Get it out in the open. I can promise you one thing - that as you genuinely heal all your feelings will change. Once I got my self-esteem back up and running little by little I felt more pity for the fella and all his girlfriends. Even though I asked and started the divorce proceedings it seemed he was getting the better shake and I all the suffering. It passes but not before I rid myself of all bitterness. My problem was not SAYING up front that I had a right to my feelings, opinions and my own healing process. Here's one thing I tried (sometimes successfully and sometimes not): I tried to think in only terms of his and my relationship as if we didn't have those 5 children. It started simplifying my thinking and emotions but like I said the kids would say things I thought were unkind and thoughtless but that wasn't their intention. Bottom line is that I didn't need EXTRA input but rather put the focus back on him and me and what went wrong. Have you asked the boys to try and not talk about their father and bimbo for awhile until you feel stronger? I really feel for you and care.
GramaDiane
Thanks for the encouragement. I am really trying to focus on me, but with the boys home from college, it's all about them.
The kids really don't say much about their father, because they know how it bothers me. However, I find myself asking them things. Like this afternoon, daddy brought a car he had bought to my son. He's lending it to him until he gets out of college. So I found myself asking questions. He said daddy looked awful because he has grown a full gray beard. Yuck!
Anyway, thanks for your thoughts.
mookids4