Seenee's Journal

Amy4 inspired me to respond quickly to her comment on my last journal entry.  I wanted to share what I wrote back to her because I believe it is too important.

When I was 3, I was sexually abused by my grandfather.  God was there.  When I was in high school, I watched my sister go through numerous medical problems which almost resulted in her death twice.  God was there.  At 16 when I was deeply depressed and cutting myself.  God was there.  IN college when I was sexually, emotionally, physically, and verbally abused by a "boyfriend."  God was there.  When I was gang raped at the age of 21.  God was there.  When I had hallucinations and ended up in the hospital.  God was there.  When I had a hysterectomy at the age of 25.  God was there.  When I have been in and out of the hospital due to self injury and my bipolar.  God was there.

During all of these trials and tribulations in my life I blamed God.  I couldn't beleive that the God who sent His only Son to be my Savior and Lord could possibly allor these things to happen in my life.  At times I hated Him with all my being.  I wanted nothing to do with Him.  He calls me His child, and yet all this happens!

Well, let me tell you.  I was wrong.  WAY wrong.  God is not evil.  He can't be evil.  At any moment God can deliver us, but we have to let Him.  That was my downfall.  I believed that it was His fault that all of these things were happening in my life.  I blamed the one who could deliver me.  Big mistake on my part.  Just recently I learned that the Evil one (Satan) is who assists us into the pits of life.  We can't get out of these pits alone.  We really have three choices... stay in the pit, let a human help us out, or let God help us out.  I can say I've tried all three and only one healed me.  I've stayed in the pit and slept in my misery.  I've had a friedn try to deliver me, only to crumble later when they couldn't take it any longer.  And I have cried out to Jesus with all my heart and soul and been lifted out of the pit and had my feet placed on solid foundation.

Now, I am not saying that I will never again face trials and tribulations.  I would be completely lying to you if I believed my life would be perfect from this day foward.  But what I can tell you is that I have HOPE.  I now know that I have choices in life.  I can wait until I am completely miserable and can't see the light of day, or I can call on God to deliver me.

I know it isn't easy either.  I have never seen God or places my fingers in the nail holes of Jesus Christ's hands.  It sometimes seems like a completely blind faith, but I know the times I have made the decision to avoid God I have been completely miserable and wanted nothing more than death itself, but when I wanted God and needed God and cried out to Him my life has been happier and filled with hope.  Now noted that I didn't say my life was any easier, because the Evil one is always going to do everything in his power to turn us away from God.  But with God I know for certain that the Evil one will never win with me.  I have been blessed beyond measure to have Jesus as my Savior and Lord.  I know that this world my be difficult and try to bring me down, but since I have been saved by the grace of God, I have hope and knowledge that someday I will be out of any possible misery forever because I will be in Heaven rejoicing with my King.

If you are still reading at this point, which I hope you are, you can have this hope too.  I would love to rejoice with you in knowing that you are my brothers and sisters in Christ.  All you need to do is... accept that you need Jesus.  Believe that God sent His one and only Son to die on the cross for you in order to save you from your sins.  And Confess that Jesus Christ is your Savior and Lord.  It is that easy.  Then get yourself into a Bible teaching, Salvation preaching church.  Grow in Christ.  I promise you it will make all the difference in the world.  As I said before, life won't be easy.  Satan will do everything possible to win you over, but you can have hope and joy in Christ knowing you will be with Him someday in glory!