slept ok...but still cnt stop thinking …
slept ok...but still cnt stop thinking bout work...n i havnt told my mum how im feeling...shes doin my head in she came …
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the last time i wrote here i told u all that my union had sed that if my dr sed i was well enough 2 go bak 2 work that i cud...well i fort id be able 2 go bak 2 nursery but it turns out that i cnt go bak until ive had the pyschiatric assessment on mon...so i hav 2 go bak into the office until they get the report bak...it aint fair i wud never hurt any of the children or the staff at nursery its myself that i hurt i hav never hurt anybody else!...n i hav never sh at nursery either...i jst want 2 go bak!...i cnt stop thinking that if i go bak into the office im gunna go backwards agen n the last time i worked there i took an overdose n ended up in hospital...i dnt want that 2 happen agen but im scared its gunna...im so scared!!
the last time i cut myself was last wed but 2day ive tried burning myself which is new 2 me...n it hasnt left a mark or owt...i know i shudnt do it but i jst wanted 2 see wot it felt like n if it worked 4 me but i dnt think it does...it is more painful than cutting but wen i cut i get 2 see wot ive dun n i kinda like 2 see the blood (i sound like a freak dnt i)...i want 2 stop but i dnt know if i can...its so hard n i hate feeling like this!
sorry 2 rant!!
xxxx
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*HUG* sweetie, I'm so sorry you're having to go through even more red tape...hang in there - you'll get back to the nursery soon, but I know it's frustrating and scary.
I'm sorry about the sh - it's hard, but try not to put pressure on yourself to stop until you're ready...that sounds a little weird, but until you have other coping mechanisms, you'll end up in a massive cycle of guilt that'll ultimately make it harder...I hope things start looking up soon...
hugs4smiles
i'm really sorry about all the work stuff, but it will work out eventually! i don't really understand though...they don't think you're fit to work? that's lame.
the SH is hard to quit. idk if it's healthy but sometimes i would just write about sh so i wouldn't actually DO it, maybe that will help? i learned that sh actually releases endorphins which is one of the reasons it's so hard to stop, so don't be too hard on yourself!
be proud that at least you are at the point that you KNOW sh is bad and don't want to do it anymore, that's a big step in the right direction! :)
mdb8825