gothicmelody666's Journal

i have so much to say and so much to write but i cant always put my feelings and expressions into words. i cant really understand whats wrong with me but i know why and i wish i knew nothing at all. im obviously bi-polar and manic depressive but i know theres some other diagnosis i fall into. i look at ALL of my support groups and i cant even count them on 1 hand. {anxiety,emotional abuse,bipolar, bisexuality, infidelity, rape, angermanagement, personality disorder, self injury, shyness, perscription drugs, PTSD, insomnia....} only about 5 of these my doctor knows about.i wonder what she would do if i told her the truth. the truth to her is merely a partial idea of whats wrong. she dont know whats inside. im afraid to say anything because i dont want to take these pills anymore and i know once i open my mouth theres gonna be 4 more drugs doing down my throat. or theyd send me to a therapist, id rather talk to a total stranger online that knows and has the experince of what i have than pay a stranger who reads books. i need help because i know that my future is gonna be worse if i dont stablize myself now. my boyfriend knows what im goin through and he holds me up most of the way, he thinks its not so bad anymore but he knows it takes time to heal each wound/mistake. hes been in my place so he understands when it comes to my mental behavior. i dont know what Id do if he wasnt around.

 indisicive being