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Not too good today, backs very bad and i've hsd no sleep but at least that means my brain is empty. My legs are numb and everythings crunching and i really want to do some housework but i cant. Sorry this was a crap idea i'm too tired to think or try and be funny. love to all my friends. x
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Dont you hate people who use comedy titles. I need to rant. I cant sleep and feel like my brain is going to explode so today you are going to get a long story.
I'm really close to my famil, love them all to bits. (Going to try and make the abridged version) Anyway you know we have had problems trying for a baby, to cut a long story short we still are. I'm depresses and pregnant women are everywhere. My YOUNGER sister has 2 gorgeous babies who i adore but its still heartbreaking.
My baby brother who was doing game programming at uni had all these fantastic plans, a year out working for Sony in the States etc. Then ot of the blue 10 months ago announces hes falled for a 26 year old mother of 3 who had a partner, promptly got her pregnant, quit uni and moved in with her. They had the baby 4 days ago ( more babies).
Yesterday i found out my dad has cancer and both him and my mom are how you would expect them to be. I dont need to say any more here you get it and i have no words.
(Background needed here) My great aunt saved all her life and left us a moderate inheritance for when we came of age. Mybrother got his about 6 months ago. Can you guess the rest, there are prizes. Yesterday, yes same day (also same day as more hospital tests for us) my poor sister got a hysterical phone call to say his credit had been refused for new carpets for their new house. Thats not exactly a shocker. Never worked no credit. Dont panic my sister says just pay up front. But you guessed it hes spent the lot with not a thing to show for it. I'm not going to tell you how much because it just makes me angry. How many times can you say 'cant shout at hime for making wrong decisions dont want to push him away' Hes now done everything he promised he wouldnt do and much as i love hime they both need a good kick up the backside. We dont want him telling our mom and dad at the moment as it would break their hearts and theyve got enough problems.
Although nowhere near as bad but i may as well get everything out. After fighting so hard to get my disability and the books and books of information i had to provide. It was finally settled a couple of months ago but that was after a few years of fighting for it. I've now got another 8000 page booklet to fill in from another goverment agency about why i'm not fit to work! Filling these things in make me feel like rubbish, why cant they just use the information they already have. It wouldnt be so bad if everyday there werent news articles about people who have been pretending to be disable and winning body building competitions for the last four years and taking the benefits agency for thousands!!!!!! How does this happen when they hound me once a month?
Ok i've finished. I am believe it or not quite a laid back person. I would like to be somewhere tropical with an unberella a jug of marguerita an excellent fluffy romping chick flick, a cloudless sky, my husband ( i suppose hed better be there) and nothing to think about for weeks. If anyone knows where i can get that for about a fiver let me know.
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Wow, Becky, you don't have your frustrations to seek. However, you must keep your energy and strength for yourself and your parents. Your brother is a grown man and he must reap the consequences of his actions - tough love! Your parents must be so anxious about how your father's cancer will progress and so too must you but I recall the state of depression my parents went into when my mother was diagnosed. They sat in a dark room with no TV or entertainment - it was as if they were shell-shocked. Please stay strong, if you can for yours.
As for your desire (and need) to become a mother, please be patient with yourself. Uptight and anxious is not the way to fall pregnant. Try not to think too much about it - nature has a good way of taking care of itself. If, when things settle down, there is no news for you, you should seek further professional help. Hope you don't think I am speaking out of turn {hugs}
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And, meant to add, just escape to a local park with a picnic on a nice sunny day and pretend you are on that tropical island. Not the best I know but, until you can save enough or win the lottery, it is not worth getting into debt for - especially when you are hoping for a wee baby to brighten your days {more hugs}
I'm sorry, yesterday was a really bad day. Black, black, black. However todays been great. Weve had a day out for the first time in ages and we so needed it. We went to the monkey forrest and you cant fault them on the trade descriptions acts, there were monkeys everywhere. I walked a really long way for me and i ache terribly now but it was worth it. The weather was beautiful (i got a bit burnt) and i felt relaxed for the first time iages. if only i could bottle that feeling and bring it home.
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I am so sorry that you are in such pain. Hope you have some good painkillers and someone to indulge you xx
scarlett5202