AdrieF's Journal

Good Lord. It's happy mother's day - except I don't feel very happy. M & I were playing around last night and I hit him and then he hit me back hard. I could tell he felt bad about it. Anyway, I went to bed. He kept coming in to talk. Kissed me goodnight and came out into the den. I laid in bed for a little while and then remembered I had left my drink in the kitchen. I get up, open the bedroom door only to be met by M with a big fat hug. I glanced over at the computer and saw porn. I was devastated. I am devastated. Always with S I knew he looked at it. I didn't care. My feelings have changed about that. Especially because M always said he didn't enjoy that, thought it was wrong. Anyway, a huge fight ensues. I was told how stupid I am, apathetic, etc. I can't do this anymore. I told him this morning he had finally won. He finally had pushed just hard enough that I moved. There will be no deep relationship. I told him I didn't want to get divorced and if it was okay, I'd like to stay and lets pretend when family, friends are around that all is well. I'm done at least on the inside. Doesn't feel any better. I feel like poop. I just can't care anymore.