JennaB's Journal

Well since last I wrote, Javid picked me up early from work and presented me with a dozen gorgeous long stem roses, a delicious box of expensive chocolate, and a bottle of Chianti.  After a few toasts we ended up making love on the living room floor, and then he swept me off to a expensive persian restaurant named Shalizar which is one of our favorite restaurants that we go to as often as we can.  It was absolutely beautiful.

No one has ever bought me roses or chocolate, or even flowers before Javid.  He is truly the first real semi healthy relationship I feel I have ever had.  I say the semi- healthy part because of the ups and downs we have overcome since being together, all of which have originated from outside sources, like Javid's friends and what not.  I mean it has been hard, between being Javid's first relationship with a transgender woman, to being my first relationship with a man that I can really trust.  It hasn't been a picnic.  Though I am happy to say that we are finally at a real good place.  Javid has even opened up and has been comfortable admitting his feelings of love for me.  And being vulnerable is never easy for any man, I think especially for Javid because of all the stupid differences that exist between dating a genetic woman and a transgender one.  

Happily, I feel that Javid is in a comfortable place with it all now.  I mean you have to understand that it was an issue, just walking down the street with me. Now, I am not a manish looking transgender, or an ugly one.  I am actually pretty passible, and the attention I get is usually flattering, or sexually aggressive.  The latter especially being a issue for Javid.  But we seem to have come to a happy medium where Javid feels comfortable.  Hell where I am comfortable.

I had a hard time through it all just trusting him and not thinking he was lying to me or that there was someone else.  Some of you guys that have read my journal for a minute might remember how I was threatened by this Lesbian named Lisa- who ironically called on our anniversary and I called back and told her to stop wasting our time, and that if there was a reason she couldn't do that she needed to tell me woman to woman right then.  She had nothing for me. I dunno, Javid keeps asking me if I really love him, because now that he has opened up about his feelings I think he is vulnerable, and what man wants to feel vulnerable!?!  It is kinda funny.

But for the most part I am totally happy, loving my life, and the time I spend with the love of my life, and I spend each day, grateful that it was another spent with a man that loves me for me.  You see, Javid loves me for me, not how I look, I mean, when he met me I had a boyish haircut, no breasts, and was pretty stubbly.  Over the months I have gotten more and more feminine and even am about to have a breast implants surgery. I makes me so so so happy that I met him before all the surgeries and what not to change and alter myself, and that he met and fell in love with me before.  It means so much to me, that I am this lucky.  He even told me before we went to bed last night, (the night of our anniversary) that he loved me, and would always love me, even if I never had breasts or changed a thing about me.  WOW.  Hook, line, and sinker ladies.  I have also downloaded some anniversary pictures.  

More later!