JennaB's Journal

To say the least the last week or so since my last journal has been hell.  I broke up, made up, broke up, made up and somewhere in between was sexually assaulted- by two strangers.  Yes, that is not  typing error.  But Javid has stood next to me during the whole mess.  He has been there to lean on, to protect, the make me feel safe late at night, or just to talk to about it.  And I went crazy.  At one point I was seeing things, thinking people were hiding in the closet or under the bed- and all I wanted to do was block it out and move on, but Javid wouldn't let me, he kept at me, telling me how very important it was to report what had happened.  I felt like an ashtray.  The night after the assault I went to a tranny hooker club and was ready to just give it away to the first person who looked abusive enough, but it didn't happen and I ended up calling Javid- who came to my rescue and hasn't let me out of his sight since.  Javid and I broke it off the night it happened and I moved back to the crack hotel.  Anyway, Javid wouldn't let it go- he talked on and on about the rape, refusing to let me pretend like it never happened, he didn't let up- giving me reason and after reason to report it.  FInally I gave in, after breaking down in the kitchen while making us some dinner the other night and cried myself into convulsions basically.  I cannot remember the last time I cried like that.