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How do you know when you have allowed her insecurities and fears to cloud your judgement to the point that even if you are seeing REAL flags that you cannot recognize them? That is where I feel I am. I know that Javid is madly in love with me. It is totally obvious, as obvious as my love from him- yet this whole Lisa thing. He let her disrespect me in my house. He put her on the phone, or brought her home and let her explain why they were late, fully aware of her contempt for me. He lied to me and told me it was all in my head, how do you get past it, and trust again? What is the trick. I came home today and noticed there was a third used coffee cup, a half used package of lube in the bathroom, and my computer was hidden on the bed. What the hell am I suppose to think? I called to have him pick me up an hour before, and thought I heard Lisa in the background. When I asked he got very very angry, but I really think I heard somebody. I let it go to spare the fight, but what should I think? He expects me to be all past it, and it has only been two days. How can I be passed it, I even told him Monday would be strange for me, because of this very reason. I just don't know!
I love him, but his answer to my questions was that I pack my shit and leave, that if it wasn't this it would be something else- which is so unfair. Lisa has always been the reason we fight, and it turns out I am right, I feel vulnerable and scared. I kinda feel after this episode today that i do not have any security here, living with him, I mean if he would take it there- fully knowing that I would be odd today- I told him the day he came out with the truth. What should I do? I love him, so much- I just do not trust him right now. There has been so many lies. I know if i keep this up I will loose him, but how can I not be honest with myself about my feelings?
This is not what I expected when I moved in, you know!?! I believed that it would be al wonderful and loving, and there is that- but then there are the things that do not add up. I want to get all this out in the open and talk about it, be he continues after supposedly coming clean about everything coming across like he is hiding something. I love him, ladies, what do I do. In fact I think that this is the first person, I may have ever really loved. But he just will not be honest with me, what do I do!?!?
Some of you guys gave me some excellent advice so thanks. Tonight when he threatened to kick me out, saying that if it wasn't this it would be something else and all that, it was like this was something that Lisa had been filling his head with, I swear she is going to be the end of this relationship. I almost feel like I need to come up with a back up plan incase he does in fact throw me out. I mean, how does he expect me to trust him- it has only been two days? Well I will keep you posted, I think for now I am going to come up with an alternate living situation just to keep myself with a sense of security. God know I do not feel like I have one of those, I am just so terrified of loosing him- and being on the street again. What a freaking nightmare, it isn't even funny to threaten someone like that, he knows I am completely broke and would have no where to go. Loose everything. Why would he say something like that? I talked with him twenty minutes ago and he said he would be here in ten, it's like here we go again.
Comments
I generally have two schools of thought on this-- the first, is to stand up for yourself and as messy as it would be get everything out in the open. However, that line of thought rarely gets anyone anywhere, and is generally the end of most relationships. My second school of thought, is to try and emotionally distance yourself from the situation. I'm afraid I have been a horrible friend and haven't been keeping myself up to date on your journals, so I'm not quite sure yet what has been happening but I do know what it sounds like. Love is a very tricky thing I swear- and it just comes down to asking yourself, how much can you, as an individual, put up with and allow. Love after all, isn't a good enough reason to get walked all over repeatedly and beaten down emotionally. Is there any way to have an intimate conversation and express delicately your fears and feelings? I know there are times in talking to my husband that I need to carefully word and phrase what I am saying as to make sure NOT to come across as accusatory, but instead vulnerable and hurt. Generally it's during the intimate conversations that he admits to wrongdoings and the truth generally comes out, even if moments before he vehemently denied it. It was all in how I approached it.
Don't forget sometimes our minds manufacture warning signs especially when we start looking and seeking them out. An extra cup could be just that, an extra used up- lube by the computer? could be harmless internet porn masturbation (not that it wouldn't still hurt, but at least it's by itself). Hearing someone in the background-- could be radio, t.v., someone outside the window?
Don't close yourself off to the signs, definately- keep those eyes and ears, and heart on alert. But maybe it would be best to gather more intel before approaching him about it?
butterflyxlife
It sounds to me like you have a fairly happy relationship, except for that other women.
I think no matter what he says you are going to get hurt. If he admits to cheating, you have the problem of been bloke and in love. If continues to deny it, it really wouldn’t matter if he never worked, talked to or brought that other women home, you no longer trust him… and that’s not going to change.
For your sanity, you need to either let it go or let him go.
If choose to let it go, whether you trust him or not, you can never bring it up again. Leave on the other things, good things he brings to the relationship. Know that with every year the good and bad will make this relationship stronger. If he never cheated he will love you the more, for trusting him. If did, he got away with it one and there is no warranty he wont do it again.
If you choose to let him go, again whether or not he is guilty, but for your sanity don’t show him you are hurt. This will only him the power over you. Remember you are broke. You plan a way out. Either you find a friend that will lend you a room or work, save money and move out. All you need is a roof over your head for a month or two, then you move on to a better place.
It is your decision. Both options will bring pain to your heart. But at least you are not just waiting around for thing to get better on their own. Becase you know they won’t
I worry… so please… keep me posted.
Good luck.
GOODnEVIL
It sounds to me like you have a fairly happy relationship, except for that other women.
I think no matter what he says you are going to get hurt. If he admits to cheating, you have the problem of been bloke and in love. If continues to deny it, it really wouldn’t matter if he never worked, talked to or brought that other women home, you no longer trust him… and that’s not going to change.
For your sanity, you need to either let it go or let him go.
If choose to let it go, whether you trust him or not, you can never bring it up again. Leave on the other things, good things he brings to the relationship. Know that with every year the good and bad will make this relationship stronger. If he never cheated he will love you the more, for trusting him. If did, he got away with it one and there is no warranty he wont do it again.
If you choose to let him go, again whether or not he is guilty, but for your sanity don’t show him you are hurt. This will only him the power over you. Remember you are broke. You plan a way out. Either you find a friend that will lend you a room or work, save money and move out. All you need is a roof over your head for a month or two, then you move on to a better place.
It is your decision. Both options will bring pain to your heart. But at least you are not just waiting around for thing to get better on their own. Becase you know they won’t
I worry… so please… keep me posted.
Good luck.
GOODnEVIL
Oooppps, I posted it twice, by mistake.
Sorry.
GOODnEVIL