Join · Help

Spread the Word!
Get a DS flyer to post

DS Store is Open
DS t-shirts and more

It's been a tough week across the globe. Share your thoughts in our new 2008 Financial Crisis support group.

JennaB's Journal

HELP

Saturday, July 5, 2008 | A Call For Help story

This weekend has been an interesting experience to say the least. Things haven't been as good as I thought they were, I have come to find out today while laying in the grass in the Panhandle park with my shoes off, having an honest conversation with Javid. Some how Lisa came up, like she always does, only this time he is honest and tells me how she talks trash about me when they work together.

I think before I go any further I need to fill in a little background information here. Basically, when Javid hangs with her, he lies to me, cause that is what she does with her own girlfriend. I do not like here, she rubs me wrong, and right after I moved in, Javid told me that I had to deal with her, or move out. I asked him not to bring her in the house after my phone ups and disappears, yet he does, telling me she would never do something like steal from me, or talk bad about me, that wasn't what she was about, yet every time they work together, he is late, and on more than one occasion he allowed her to "explain" what happened, and she would patronize me, right in front of him. I tried everything, I even apologized to her, and admitted that I felt threatened, the next day she tells me how similar her girlfriend is to Javid, and how attractive he is. Just to fuck with me. Though there is some outstanding evidence that makes me think they are or have screwed around. Let's see, one time she called his father when he didn't call her back, she blows his cellphone up as well.

Today Javid admitted that she said that I would kill them- what? Why would I kill them? That she thought i had some major issues, that I take up al his space, he should dump me, yet he works with her, brings her in our house, and when I try to address my feelings he makes me feel like it is in my head. Today after he told me, and I, in tears, feeling betrayed and lied to asked some questions and he was all snappish, trying to defend himself.

Am I out of line here? Would you feel upset if this happened to you? How would you handle it?

He says his feelings for me are strong, and that I shouldn't doubt him. He has asked me if I would hurt him, many times- because of Lisa saying that I am violent- how in the world does Lisa know me? No. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the magnitude of this. He has made me feel like I was being crazy for thinking Lisa had any motive to be mean to me, that there is NO WAY she took my phone, even though I know where I left it, and she was in here the day it came up missing. I want to believe he isn't cheating on me with here, I so want to believe it, but every time I let it go, something else pops up. He says that he isn't going to work with her anymore- he usually drops me off at work and picks her up, how can I trust him!?!? Everything he is ever told me I feel in doubt of.

I don't know what to do. I mean, does he think I am crazy, does he really agree with all the shit Lisa has been talking, he certainly has no problem bringing her in the house, or letting her belittle me in his presence. He says he didn't see that it was happening, again doubting me! After I finish here, I am going to have a talk with him about his true feelings about me, and see where we should go from here. I do not think I can handle not knowing. Not being sure, I feel like I am walking on egg shells.

Hug JennaB

Send to a Friend

Comments

hun,
this is all understandable.. I hate to say it but us woman know when someone is trying to take our man..
I think this is lisa is totally a jealous player or something.. Maybe jealous that she hadnt jumped on javid and got in a relationship prior to you two. I also think that she and him did have a small fling prior to you two which is why they are so close.. Perhaps she became to controlling and this caused her to be put to the curb.. But cause she knows javid.. She knows how to push his buttons..
I m not sure but that makes sense..

i also think javid needs a talking to. . Noyone should belittle you or treat you wrong in your face and or behind your back.. Its rude and childish behavior.. I wouldnt like it ither if someone did that about me..
I have only a few couple of friends and i do tell them alot but they never will meet ryan cause the main one is my ex.. We were just way to close and had a bad falling out due to my bipolar..
It was bad.. It was my fault.. but i m not not wanting my ex to be happy and vice versa.. So were not spending god awful amounts of time together or that sorta thing.. Talking once and while is fine.. Heck coming up and just chatting helps me tremondously but i stick up for ryan when he says something i disagree with.. I dont let trashy talk in my presence.. To me that is just rude behavior..

Also if you think she stole some things from you and you have searched high and low.. Even checked work, local hang outs etc.. then chances are your right.. Cause you cant have just lost it poof especially if you looked and called around to have no luck finding it..

I wish i could say this is going to be easy but you need to communicate and he needs to understand..
If he doesnt then all the communication in the world wont do any good.. It all needs to be mutual..

But when a past love keeps butting in its horrid.. Even if it was just a fling..

carriecatgirl
It is called ABUSE BY PROXY.

So sorry this is happening.

Fact one : if you are the intimate partner you should be numero' uno (#1)!

He has invited you into a triangle...not necessarily the kind you are thinking. I am talking the victim/ perpetrator/rescuer triangle.

I sense from the last blow out that you are just beginning to see your lovers true colors. This woman in no way should be inside of your relationship and since he is instigating it..he is part of it.

"The Karpman Drama Triangle"

Look this up on line to get the gist of what I am talking about.

If I were seeing this happen I would be out the door. Seriously. You are not reading the "RED FLAGS".

This is what I say and if you continue to accept this you will have a mean dance. ((((jenna))). This is from what you have written. I am sure he will nickle and dime it to death as soon as you take a step in another direction but it will land back in the same old place over and over again. His actions are not loving and he is not treating you as the PRIMARY PARTNER.

I been there ..I know this stuff like the back of my hand...although i do love the back of my hand not the other.

LUV 2 YOU!

pageo
Jenna

I live in a four unit propertly where all tenants are related in some way; sibling, in-laws and that sort. We are a close group, regarless of stormy days.

One of my neighbor is a single mother, with a beautiful body and personality. She has been part of the family for many more years, than me. She is weeks younger than my husban and has more personality trades in common with him, than I do.

When we first meet, I hated her. She always said and did things to hurt me or make me angry.

You can imagine the conflict this caused. I had to share laundry room and parking, weekends and family gatherings. I reached a point where my stomach would turn just hear her talking.

I talked to my husband about it and he said I was wrong. Which only made matters worst.

At some point in the process of evaluation myself, who I am and who I want to be. I decised not to let people, regarless of who they are and what they've done to me, hurt me.

I made a counscious effort to be nice to this neighbor and allow her in my life.

Soon after, I realize all this time, I felt threatend by her. Her sole purpose in life was to show off her accomplishments and to take my husband from me... or so I (uncounsly)thought.

Allowing her in my life, opened my eyes. In reality she is a women like any other, working hard to overcome poberty. Trying to live a healthy and happy life.

I also, saw how my husband and her love each other, as brother and sisters, and not like lovers.

Based on 10 years of marriage, the way my husband talks and beheaves, I've also learned he is not the cheating kind and he is with me because he loves.

I share this with you as an example of silly one can be, if we are not true to ourselves. Ofcourse you will not always understand why you do things the way you do. But evaluting every situation and learning from it... will make you a more sane, peaceful person.

Please take your time to analyze yourself, via journal or self talk. Either way, do so to yourself and not to others. Since our perception or what other expect from us, tend to be transtorned by our personal vias.

In the process of self-evaluation, ask things like: how do i feel about myself? Do I truly love and respect my body? How much to I truly know my husband? based on the way he speakes and acts, does she love, support, care for me? (care not to be confused with food and shelter) When I'm sick does he care for my body? Does he care for my mental health? Does he atleast, try a little? at all?
Is he willing to make changes to make us a much happier marriage?...home? Does he care more for his work, than he does me? Would he be willing to not talk about you at work? Talk about her at home? On special, work related gatherings, can he keeps his cool around the two of you? Am i willing to look the other way? Perhaphs, promise to not bring her up, ever again, If he promisses to play his part (not talking about her at home... not talking about you at work... not bringing her over, unless exteremely necessary)?

Hope everything goes well. If you have any questions about what I wrote or anything else, please feel free to ask. I don't know it all. But I love to share the little I've gathered from life.

P.S.: I have something I want to share and would love some advise on, too. If you have a chance, stop by my JOURNAL. Then let me know what you think.

GOODnEVIL
The Mental Health System in my area every year shows the same movie, it is called Gas Light. It is about a person that is going through the exact same thing that ur now right now...UR NOT CRAZY! It pisses me off that he is treating you this way in the first place! Yes, if this happened to me, my feelings would be hurt as well!

JDM50662
My advice is to be as nice to her as possible, as much as you may dislike her. Fighting with her is only going to make things worse, acting nice to her will prob make her stop doing these bad things towards you...

bran7777