polala’s Profile

Close Bereavement
Type: Loss of a Parent

It was Christmas two years ago. I had just started a new job three weeks before that I absolutely loved. I went home the 23 of December 2004. Something wasn't right my dad always waited for me to get home, no matter what time it was. He was no where to be found. I figured he had gone with mom to a party she had mentioned earlier. I left for dinner with a friend of the family. An hour or so later I received a call from my mom on her way home from the party. I asked if dad was with her, she said no. We both then raised home. Something wasn't right. Where was he and if he was home why didn't he answer. When I arrived home he was in bed with a massive headeache. Mom and I argued whether or not to take him to the hospital. My gut told me something wasn't right. I went to bed to wake the next morning and he was still in bed. I called my girlfriend who is a NP and told her all of the symptoms. She then spoke to my mom and recommended the ER. My older sister was home and we were waiting for my younger sister and her Fiance to arrive for Christmas. It is now the morning of Christmas Eve. Mom and I drove dad to the hospital. After two hours of waiting and BS. He got admitted. That evening they ran a cat scan and sure enough he was having a stroke. I wanted to die. I knew with every bone my body this would be the last Christmas I would spend with him. How do you prepare yourself to say goodbye to someone you love so much. I stayed at the hospital that night. I wouldn't leave him, not then. Obviously, I didn't sleep a wink and prayed all night for strength. The next three weeks were a blur. I left a week before my dad died because my mother said I was getting in the way. Not sure if she was dealing with the situation or just meant what she said. He died six days later. I was home for a week, realizing things mom had said were meant. The next few months told me exactly what she meant. A month later I resigned my new job mostly because my boss was a horrible woman who was not understanding and when i spoke to the VP of HR she said "I'm sorry about your dad but life goes on!". I have dealt with the loss of my dad alone. I stopped speaking to my mother and sisters for months. I was single and the only person that understood what i was going through began dating someone that lived out of town. I soon lost her too. I am now living in Chicago and learning to deal with this loss. I turned to alcohol, drugs and the wrong crowd to make my life better. Again, two years later I'm learning to deal with this. I always thought I was a very strong person, but this has dropped me to my knees asking for help and grace.