ames76's Journal

I am so mad.  I didnt want to come to work today....I wanted to stay at the lake and have fun and screw this place.  Thursday, the last day I worked, was not a good day here.  I realized a lot of unfair bullshit that goes on here and the manager had got in trouble for some stuff and almost lost his job.  He called me in his office and wanted to talk to me about some of the things that went on around here that I knew of.  I talked to him in what I thought was confidence (seeing he is the general manager).  I didnt say anything bad about anyone...I simply express that I felt like we didnt work as a team and that I thought that it would be better if we did or were able to.  I did make a comment that the one white girl that works in housekeeping was treated like a dog and that told some examples of things that were done to her.  I never once said that she said anything.  I spoke from my own observations.  Well, when I got into work today, the girl in housekeeping that is treated unfairly came and asked me if I told the manager that she complained to me about the way that she was treated.  I never told him that she complained to me.  So, I told her all of the conversation that I could rememeber.  He called her a liar when she told him that she had not complained to me.  Of course she has complained to me in conversation but I knew better than to tell him that for the fact that we are not sopose to talk to each other at work.  Fact is.....the manager is a fucking jerk.  I thought that I could talk to him and express to him how I was feeling without there being some shit turned onto drama that wasnt even completley true.  I want to walk out.  I really want to call him up and tell him he best come in bc I am leaving and why.  I guess I am not.  But I may not be here tomorrow.  I know that is not fair at all to the ones who would have to cover for me but I am so pissed.  The manager here is only out for himself.  He really could care less about his employees.  I dont make crap and I hardly get any hours.  I need a job but not this one.  UUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHhhhhhhhhhhhh....I am so mad.  

On a better note...it turns out that maybe is wasnt such a mistake sleeping with the guy.  He is wonderful.  He is not a jerk like my friend had said.  I know he is not.  He got totally honest about the situation with the other girl and I beleive him.  He is not out to hurt me.  In fact the is the last thing he would do.  I have never dated anyone like him.  He truely cares about me and making me happy.  Who knows if it will last or what will happen but I am happy with the way things are today. 

Wednesday night at my meeting I finally got up the nerve to ask this girl to be my sponsor.  She told me that if I could do 90 meetings in 90 day and call her everyday that she would take me on....after I did that for 90 days.  I have a hard time making meetings every fucking day not bc I dont want to but bc I have other things that I want to do and have to do.  I didnt go to a meeting Thursday night or Friday night bc I was at the lake.  I must have a social life...if not....I would go right back to using.  I did try to go to a meeting in another town Thursday night but I had trouble finding it in the dark by myself in a town I was not familiar with.  I took my son on the trip with us so my friend was watching him while I attempted to find this meeting.  Last night we were still on the water when it was time for the meeting.  This is BULLSHIT.  I dont like to be told what to do.  I didnt think that this sponsor thing was going to work for me...that is one reason that I havent wanted one.  I called her Thursday night and got her voice mail.  I didnt call her yesturday.  Damn...I was out of town and on a boat all day.  It was midnight when I got home.  I was having fun which seems like to be a sin in this stupid ass program.  I mean I want someone to help me work steps not be my mom.