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It has been over five months since my mom was torn from my life. I still feel like it happened yesterday. I can't get the image of her dead on my lap out of my head. I don't want to keep trying to go on if there is no change. I moved into an apartment. I go a roommate. I made friends with one of my neighbors. What did this do? A new room to hide in and isolate myself from the world. I still cry daily. I don't know what to do. I don't even want to get out of bed to come on my computer (3 feet from my bed) and take advantage of this site. I've lost touch with all those I was closest to and it is all my fault. I'm being a whiny baby. I'm sorry. I just my mommy back.
UPDATED GOALS
Survive.
Progress 5%
Encouragements: 0
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On February 7, 2008 at approximately 7am I was in a car accident with my Mom. Although I only recieved minor cuts an bruises, my mother was killed. I'm lost without her. She took total care of me. I'm 27 years old and have never lived without Mom for more than 7 days until now. I couldn't even bring myself to come to this site and journal about it until tonight. It takes my whole being just to wake up everyday. My anxiety is off the charts. I'm so depressed I can't even describe. I'm all alone. I'm an only child, Mom was an only child, my maternal grandparents passed some time ago, and I have nothing to do with my abusive father or anyone from his side of the family. These are the only relatives I have ever had and now I have no one. It should have been me, not my mom.
Comments
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Very Brave
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Oh bless your heart!!!! I am an only child too!!! Thank you for reaching out and please stay close to your friends here, okay???
Rhythmic waves
Adrift at sea
No one to hear
Only me
Unincombered
Yet still tied down
Independant, self motivated
Still wrapped and bound
Dark is light
And night is day
Nowhere to run
Stuck on the fray
Comments
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gawd ive felt this way so often i forget what it feels like when im actually feeling better. what an awesome poem. it truly shows your real feelings.
Past Entries
| October 2007 |
Thursday, 10/18
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Saturday, 10/13
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September 2007 |
Tuesday, 9/04
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August 2007 |
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Thursday, 8/16
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April 2007 |
Sunday, 4/22
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March 2007 |
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Tuesday, 3/06
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Thursday, 3/01
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February 2007 |
Monday, 2/19
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Friday, 2/16
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Wednesday, 2/14
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Monday, 2/12
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Saturday, 2/10
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Friday, 2/09
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Monday, 2/05
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January 2007 |
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Wednesday, 1/31
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Friday, 1/12
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December 2006 |
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Monday, 12/18
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Friday, 12/15
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Goal Updated
Why do you feel it is your fault?
BlueButterfly55
You were hurting and now you will begin to heal...........hang in there........it is tough but you can do it..........i am pulling for you............hugs
BlueButterfly55
don't disappear again now Ashley...........please........get busy even if it is just cleaning house or something..........it becomes a rut and you need to help yourself get out of it dear heart!!!!
BlueButterfly55
Ashlee................please come back online...........
BlueButterfly55
It really hasn't been that long...........it will take some time........but please don't isolate yourself..........glad you have a roommate!!!!! hugs!!!
BlueButterfly55