qtpi's Journal

I'm feeling pretty good. Morning sickness and the tiredness isn't too bad. Part of me wishes it was worse just as a reassurance. My last pregnancy I hardly had any symptoms and it ended in m/c. I guess I'm thinking that if my symptoms are really bad then this is a sure thing. While part of me is super excited and I'm just bursting with joy and wishing I could shout it from the roof tops, I know how easy it is to have it all taken away. I find myself in fear everytime I go to the bathroom praying that I don't see any bleeding. It may be irrational but I can't help it. I'm terrified I'm going to loose this one too. I'm not sure if I would be able to do that again. At this point I don't really have a choice do I? I think that either way, I'm going to enjoy this because I don't know how much time I have so enjoy it while it lasts (and hopefully it will last the rest of my life!)

Maybe I'll feel better once the dr. gets back to me. I cancelled my appointments for those tests he sent me for and he was supposed to get back to me either yesterday or today. The receptionist said he was booked full yesterday so it would probably be today. I'm eagerly awaiting any kind of assurance. I'm really anxious to get the first trimester over with too. Stephen thinks it would be best to wait until after 8 weeks to tell anyone (including parents). Which I guess is a good idea. He doesn't want me to get overwhelmed with questions of how I'm feeling or things we plan on doing when the baby comes. All I want to focus on now is getting past the 8 wk mark and then getting past the first trimester.