WatersMoon110's Journal

Fine, I'll write about feeling bad. I don't want to, probably because I feel like hurting myself, and if I write about it I might end up feeling better and wouldn't "get to" injure myself.

I know it's just a reaction to feeling emotional pain, but I really, really want to cut my arm. My forearm, actually, because I'm sure it's some stupid "cry for attention" bullshit.

I'm so very sick of being me. I don't want to be writing this, I want to be harming myself.

It's not that I want people to feel sorry for me, or to care about me. I just feel so much hurt and rage that I want a visible reminder to me about this feeling, as well as a way to get rid of these horrible emotions.

I'm seriously thinking of trying to slash my wrist. I know that it is increadibly hard to actually manage to kill yourself this way, I just feel like making the effort might be worth it.

And then I try to remember that my husband would just collaps and cry if he found out I had hurt myself. I hardly think it's fair that he gets to cry and I can't (most of the time).

Fine, I'll call someone or something. Stupid brain, telling me to do "the right thing".