JeannetteN's Journal

So last week we had a memorial for Michael's brother on Tuesday, it was all right I guess. It was nice because a couple of Michaels' friends showed up that he had a falling out with a couple years ago (I let them know about Joes' passing). So they patched things up and appear to be friends again, which is good because Michael doesn't have a lot of friends, I have tons!! I think it's harder for guys to make new friends....

Before that my Mother and I had a talk/fight and she left, she left me messages from the road saying we shouldn't go to the memorial because "all the flowers in front of the church would die"...whoa, that's what I get for taking care of her for 8 months..this weekend we spoke though, she's at a shelter type place in Utah and will be moving on to Montana where she has friends-I never mentioned the nasty messages and neither did she. I didn't want it to end that way but it appears that we were enabling her, now she's actually looking for jobs and housing etc., so I guess it's for the best. My house feels calmer and I've almost stopped smoking all together! She and I smoked together, it's easier to quit when the temptation is gone.

Okay, here's another weird thing though that I want your advice on. A couple years ago I found out that Michael was e-mailing his ex and talking on the phone to her, always when I was at work. I confronted him and he said it would stop. I wasn't jealous and didn't think he was up to no good or anything, I just told him it seemed sneaky and I didn't like it.

So cut to now, apaprently she knew his brother and before the memorial Michael said to me, "I told Jenn about the memorial, she might come", after stewing a while I said "Don't you think it would be respectful if you asked me if I minded her coming?" I said "I don't want you to call her now and say Jeannette doesn't want you to come, but you know what I mean" He said  "Sometimes I forget you're my wife because we're best friends and I forget you might feel weird meeting her etc." So she didn't come...

He and I have the same e-mail password, although I think he's forgotten that, and yeah, I check it from time to time, you can all get mad at me if you wanna!!

So yesterday I checked his and he had sent me, his father and best friend a group e-mail, you know one of those feel good, you're my friend type of e-mails we all love. I checked his sent box and he had sent it to her also, but of course not on the group one he sent us otherwise I would have seen he sent it to her, I think you know what I'm saying, it's complicated but you know what I'm saying right?

Obviously, I don't want to confess just yet that I'm checking on him because then he may change the password and....ugh!!! Am I crazy? Isn't he being sneaky? Why??

I worry because we don't have a ton of sex because of my health and our crazy schedules, and he's a super sexual guy, aren't they all?? I'm not saying he's cheating physically but what if he is emotionally, even a litle bit? I would be so sad and pissed it would be legendary!! Oh well...more drama.