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Had my appt. today, he looked at my puffed out hands (they always are) and said "yep, you've got gross RA"-hmm..I think he's gross but whatever! 
I told him I was mostly content just suffering for now, after the Humria put me in the hospital and I've been allergic to pretty much everythig else, I am hesitant to try anything new. He wants me to consider Rituxan, I will research and see what I think.
Ian is feeling better and Michael and I had some "marital relations" last night, so hopefully that will help our recent tensions! She did e-mail him again yesterday, he told me about it (of course I already knew!) and he just deleted them.
Hope you're all well today! kisses, JJ
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Sorry I haven't been on guys, I know I left you all hanging and wondering about my marital sitch. but I only DS when I'm at work Mon-Wed.... (don't you love it!?)
Okay, so against Janey Ma and Auntie M's advice in particular, I did send M a pretty colorful e-mail last Wed. night, you guys have kids though, you must be used to us not heeding advice! Anypoop-he and I went back and forth all night (he works graveyard) and we actually seemed to be making a lot of progress. I mean, he said he was sorry and it would never happen again, blah, blah but we realized we needed to work on maintaining our marriage overall. That was last Wed., I can honestly say after all those lovely e-mails, things don't seem much better but for right now I just don't care, i am tired of being sad and unhappy-I'll just ride it out for a while and see how it goes.
In the meantime, we had a playdate on Friday, Ian had so much fun-It makes me so happy to see him laughing an playing...
Now he has a horrible cold or soemthing, temp. of 102 and just feeling awful, he was up all night last night and I still came to work-M will stay with him today, if he can't handle it I'll go home.
At one point when he was asleep last night I dozed off and had a dream that he died-I cannot express the horror and sadness that I felt in that dream-I am still bummed out about it.
uh, I just sneezed!! I can't afford to get sick right now....ugh..and I bought a compact the other day without a mirror, didn't realize it until just now-I will have to go all the way to the common restroom at work to make sure I don't have snot all over my face.
Well gotta run! Love ya guys...
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It's good you talked with hubby----progress usually does take some time, so it doesn't surpirse me that everything wasn't instantly fixed. Being able to communicate about it important part. You're smart to recognize when you're getting too overwhelmed and need to just let things ride for awhile..... :)
Hopefully you're not getting sick...and hex on those compacts that don't have a mirror. Only a man would design a compact without a mirror!!!!
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Okay, okay JJ, I somehow knew you wouldn't heed my and Ma's advice. I didn't at your age either, and yes I have kids of my own, so yes I understand perfectly. I hope things are getting better between you. I hate emails over important stuff, because words can be interpreted and construed in ways we didn't mean them to be. I hope things improve for you. I thing you guys need a playdate with each other alone...let your mom babysit, that is the least she can do. I am sorry Ian is sick, poor little guy. You be careful as to not catch what he has got. Kids bounce back quickly...we don't! I love you JJ and only want you to be happy! Why, because that is exactly what a wonderful wife and mother like you deserves to be. love you, Auntie M
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So glad you guys talked. Just keep those lines of communication open. Try to get a date night or day together. You really need that.
Sorry to hear about Ian, sure hope he starts feeling better and that you don't get sick.
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Little Buddy!! I wish you weren't hurting so much!! - You must know by now that most men flirt, it makes them feel good! Most of us are not as good detectives as you!!
Once you find out these things you sure do lose trust!! I can't give you advice because it would probably bite me in the butt!! - Take care of Ian and yourself. Love you. Connie
Okay so there were like 3-4 e-mails today, but I could barely read them because I didn't want to get caught, but they were mostly harmless, but it still pissed me off, he's telling her he has Ian today and he doesn't know what they should do, does she have any ideas, where does she take her kids etc. Why doesn't he fucking ask me!!!!???
But they were going back and forth like, chatting about shit-again, I don't think he's physically cheating but he hardly talks to me and he has time to banter with her all morning!?
Then the best part, he deletes all the e-mails just from her, even empties the deleted files etc. He doesn't even know I'm checking and he does this? He must be feeling guilty or something!
I can't hold out much longer but I am wanting to wait and see how much more I can discover before I say something, as it is now, I am about to blow up and when I confront him I may go to far and ask him to leave or something...
I feel really anxious and upset, I want to cry-I don't need this on top of everything else, I really don't.
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I'm so sorry about this, Jeannette. If it's all so innocent, he wouldn't be deleting the emails. Sign of a guilty conscience.
Lynne
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Oh crap---this is not good. I agree with Lynne, this is not normal behavior for someone who supposedly has nothing to hide. I don't blame you for being upset. So sorry Jeannette...
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I'm sorry to hear this..but the ladies are right if he didn't feel he was doing anything wrong he would'nt be hiding his relationship with this woman,he may not be doing any physical cheating but to me emotional cheating is just as bad..just hold your head up and try to hold off on confronting him till you have better evidence..and don't let him turn it around on you and make you feel bad for snooping..cause he will try..been there done that
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why is he asking her where she takes her kids ...does she live close enough to meet her and then say "guess who i ran into?" i don't want to add fuel to the fire...but i agree w/dusty...wait a little longer, but if you do get into an argument, DON"T apologize for snooping. he WILL try to make you feel guilty, and you are NOT! i love you babe, and i am so sorry for you to go thru this mess. ma
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I agree with Janey sweetie...and you know Ma and Auntie M always have your back. I am n9ot sure exactly what all is going on, did I miss a journal? I am here sweetie, and I support and love you like my own child, so know you are NOT alone! love ya, Auntie M
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Hey, this sucks for you and I am so sorry you have this on top of everything else! Perhaps he is only deleting them because he knows you would be upset if you found out, even though it is innocent. It seems that you and he have had a lot of stress at your home lately. Could the two of you possibly get away together for the weekend and have a chance to really connect with no kids, no work pressures, no anything stressful? I am thinking about you and I hope that you can get this worked out and soon! Love, April
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So sorry you are having to go through this. I would also agree with Lynne. You really should talk to him though and voice your concern. It may be innocent, but he needs to know how you feel. Hugs,D
Past Entries
I don't blame you for being hesitant to try a new med. It's scary when you have reactions.
Glad to hear that Ian is feeling better. I hope things continue to get better with you and Michael. At least he's telling you now. Hope you have a good rest of the day. Hugs, D
Dawn2
Hmmm JJ you still don't sound like a happy camper. MArital relations is not the fix to marital problems, communication and understanding is the key...and yes some nooky thrown in helps! lol I am sorry about the pissy rhuemie, why not consier antibotic theraphy like I am on? love you, auntie M
bizemomm
Ahhh Jeannette, you just gave me a HUGE laugh. The word "gross" in medical language means you have obvious and visible signs of the disease---in the case of RA, that's visible swelling. It's not that you're actually gross in terms of being ugly!! Doctor appointments can be tough if you're not familiar with medical jargon. ;)
MsRigorMortis
Ms Rigor, my dear-I know what gross means as far as medical terminology goes! I was attempting a double entendre of sorts, because I've had issues with my rheumy being a bit of a jerk..glad I made you laugh though :)
JeannetteN
Made me laugh too! Glad things are better on the home front and I really hope things continue to look up. I am on LDN. No side effects, except a general sense of well being and an energy increase. It is not 100% for pain, although I am seriously considering adding antibiotic therapy to the mix. I am overall pretty happy with the results, and I have been on enbrel and mtx in the past. It is cheap too. THere is my little commercial, sorry, I didn't mean for it to turn out that way. Take care of you! April
aprilrenae
Yeah Jeanette, my rheumy is a bit of a jerk too. I tried to change to a different one but couldn't. Those specialists don't have very good bedside manners, do they? So let's call both of them GROSS!!! ;)
MsRigorMortis
Yeah Jeanette, my rheumy is a bit of a jerk too. I tried to change to a different one but couldn't. Those specialists don't have very good bedside manners, do they? So let's call both of them GROSS!!! ;)
MsRigorMortis