MrD's Journal

Its not good folks. Im not very well at the moment. I cannot seem to think straight, concentrate on anything or motivate myself to do things. Just had one of the best sleeps for a while but dont feel any better.

 Its my first appointment with a doctor tommorrow morning, since I was put off by those doctors many months ago. I really dont want to go but I have no choice, at the moment Im not even part of society, not claiming or paying anything back. If I dont sort this out now, I wont even be part of humanity for much longer I feel.

My father in his usual 'bull in a china shop' manner, questioned me the other day about what I intend to do with my self. I told him about the appoinment and how sorry I am that Ive ended up like this. He himself a highly strung man, prone to a violent temper and depression. That is only the second conversation Ive had with him on the subject, he always picks the wrong moments. A friend said to me to enjoy  a drink with friends and family should be to relax and socialise. Its not a time to sort out important issues or discuss such things. My mother is the one I really talk to, to talk with my father, it has to be on his terms. This is not helping. Im now worried about the effect this is having on my family too, I just dont know anymore.

I can only see what tommorrow brings now, I cant even think of anything else to write here although there really should be more, so see you all soon.