Kristen's very first snow day …
Kristen's very first snow day today. We got about 6 or so inches of snow last night. She is very excited and cannot …
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Okay now this past week has been interesting to say the least! I spent too much money last weekend, big surprise and have decided to roll in the Mastercard and I am refusing to go to Macy’s and no Stephanie you cannot have it is now my catch phrase! So far so good but a foot and a half of snow can help the matter a little. Speaking of which this snow is now officially made me crazy! I am tired of wet feet and wet floors and having trouble getting past the mounds of snow to get into my car! When actually I love the snow it is so beautiful! Then my daughter tells me that all of her friends think I am in my thirties she cannot believe I am almost 50, made me smile though even if she was wanting to earn brownie points. I have been exercising almost everyday now but still not 30 a day yet but at least every other day. Still working on organizing my home and getting help from Stephanie. Things with Gary is going pretty good he seems in his talks with me to be coming to understanding how lucky he is and how loved he is, and how he never wants to repeat his actions again! Still it breaks my heart to know that it took such a drastic move to learn these lessons. My beautiful red head boy Patrick is doing much better still working on getting into a neuro and getting meds for his seizures. He seems so much more grounded in last few weeks since he turned 20!Along with his older brother they have been doing so much together, I do wish I could see the two of them together I have been thinking of them as small boys so much lately. Now comes my oldest, I have been crying all afternoon about her and her latest stuff. She saw me sitting in parking lot at grocery store and sped out. When I called her she yelled at me and told me I had made my choice and have chosen her ex so she was no longer my daughter. Then hung up the phone on me! I know now she is upset because she knows her ex wants tests done to see if her daughter is his. I could be there to help her deal with this but instead she is now mad at me again because she messed up her life. She yells at me to be her mom but I am and would be more active if she would let me. I am tired of everyone telling me to just let her go since she has hurt me so much in the past. I do not know how to let it go and move on she is my child my first born and I know she is hurting and I want to reach out to her but she moves away. I will not give up on her but will not let her hurt me with her petty stuff again. Except now it is not only me she is hurting but her children in her new attempt to continue to be mad at me she is hurting them, I cannot imagine how my life would have been without my grandparents and had hurt so much that my mother was never that kind of grandmother. I knew I would always be a good grandmother and it is truly one of the reasons I am put here.
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It is simple my dear... you cant let go... your a mother... it is our job to never let go.. i think it was in the handbook someone around page 86 somewhere...sigh... never let go..never give up... sigh... always give them space and then hope for the best... she has to take responsibilty for her own actions...and you cant force her to... hopefully one day she will see that.. all you can do in the meantime is be there for her when she needs you...and she will need you...and most likely soon... you and i both know that...
you cant ever give up hon... to do that would be paramount to be admitting defeat,,failure...on your part and your daughters... your daughter is not a lost cause hon... she is just in a hard spot right now.. low self esteem...no self confidance ...sigh.. it does horrible things to our kids... but she will come back to you one day... you are the only one in her cornor and one day soon she will realize that...sigh.. you just need to hang on and be there for her no questions asked..no recrimations when she comes home and needs you... no critism...no i told you so...nothing... just plain acceptance... but you already know that...smile... i can see that in you with your other children and in your writing...
i have the same issue with my two older boys... and i had a huge fight with my husband last nite over the oldest boy..which of course carried over into today... now all symptoms are acting up...sigh.. he said some things that should not have been said..husband that is..grin...
like i told him... so much has already been taken away from me in this life..one thing that will not be taken away from me is my children.. i am a mother first and foremost.. i shall always be there for them waiting to pick them up when they fall...sigh...over and over and over again..it seems...grin.. tireing yes... a burden at times ..yes... but it is what we do... we dont give up... no one should ever ask you to...
my husband last nite presented me with the famous line of ..its him or me...grin.. and was actually surprised with the answer...sigh... stupid man.. really...grin.. never give a mother that choice...you will always lose...things are settled for now...grin..
but never give up on her hon... she will find her way back to you...in time... it may take awhile...but she will find her way home to you eventually ...you are a good mother... she just needs to grow...give her time...
sorry...grin.. a bit long winded i know
luv
heather
heather1
I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, but it sounds to me like your daughter is ashamed of the choices she's made and she's taking her anger out on you. I don't know why she's angry, it doesn't really matter at this point, but don't give up. Just keep yourself out of her line of fire for a while and make sure she knows how much you love her and her children. She'll come back to you...a girl ALWAYS needs her mother. Take care and be well Annie. xoxo Jen
feisty
You know, years ago, a coworker of mine told me this and supposedly it's an old saying. It goes: "when they're little, they step on your toes, and when they grow up, they step on your heart". How true this has been for me with my oldest, btw, he's 25 with strawberry blonde (a beautiful reddish blonde). Anyway, he goes for months sometime without picking up the phone, so I'll cave and call him, just to make sure he's alive. It hurts. I've begged him to stay in touch, and I keep getting broken promises, which always makes me think back of what I did wrong, or if it's just a "guy thing". I don't know the answer, but I worry deeply about him. He's also my little ex-jail bird. He did his time, and now, he's gotten 3 felonies expunged (sp?), or to put it in layman's terms off his record. So far, so good. Anyway, Steph is just going through that teenager phase, and I'm sure she's going to be fine. That's so cool that she and her friends think you look so young. I agree, based on your profile pic. I don't know what all is going on with your oldest daughter, but it sounds like to me that she's actually crying out for help. I know you love all of your children, and your grandchildren and it's so hard to not protect all of our kids and theirs. I'll keep praying for you, and please keep us posted. Love, Ann
AmazingGrace