annieagain's Journal

Good evening! What a mess! I am trying my very best to hold it all together but I am afraid I am not doing very well at it.  Not at all...first off all of this stuff with my son Gary will be decided on Friday.  Do not know if it will be a boot camp type setting or house arrest, he is nervous about not having authority figures around him all the time.  I know just like when he was a child he always needed to test the limits to make sure they were still there.  A part of me would like him to stay in custody for awhile because I would know he was safe and could not get into any more trouble.  I just want him to get his life together. He is really is a good kid.

Then there is my first born, she sits in her apartment day after day and does not answer the phone and barely comes to her door.  Her children have not been out of the house this year yet.  Well today my former son-in-law called me and asked me to tell Lyn to call him please he needs to know my granddaugher's full name and birthdate.  I know her full name but do not know her exact birthday(I have five children and know their days and the month's of my grandchildren's days-I think that is pretty good)  I asked what was up?  He told me he wanted her birth certificate he had an appointment tomorrow with a lawyer to get paternatity test done.  He is convinced that he is her father.  Something to do with the date he last slept with her and the info from her ultrasounds, something I am not sure why my daughter shared with him.  I do not know who the father of my granddaughter is, there are three men that are claiming responsibility for her and I am sorry to say I am uncertain how many others could be the father.  I just know that at that time she was hanging out with her current husband but did attempt to leave with her then husband and current would not let her go and she lost her son.  She now claims her son was kiddnapped from her only thing is there are witnesses to the scene and she walked away from her son outside a nasy bar in North Chicago.   With a full audience of sailors.  Oh jeez sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer!  Her spouse back from deployment in Japan finds her with another man at a bar and comes in to take her away with him to CA and she refuses to leave with him and he chases comes into the bar with his son in his arms to get her again she refuses to leave.  At that time future husband threatens to beat up current husband.  Then he takes responsibility for the new child however he lets the government pay for her birth expenses at LakeForest Hospital meanwhile he then ignore his first born daughter that he had proclaimed his undying devotion to in lieu of the future wife and child.  Who at this time may not be his.  Yegads I am out of breath from typing and thinking I was saying all of that.

This soap opera is still going on today I do not think it will ever play out one would think it was written by a daytime drama writer, or had come straight from the Jerry Springer show.  I almost think it would be featured on the latest episode of Talk Soup.  My daugher did not even call her son on his birthday.  He feels like he is not good enough to be her son.  Now she is blaming me for all of this and hung the phone up on me after calling me a nasty name to night.  I know now she will not let me see her other children for along time.  Spending time with my grandchildren is the dearest thing I do I live for time spent with them. My daughter blames me for everything that has ever gone wrong in her life including the last time she stubbed her toe.  I guess keeping her children away from me is her way of hurting me but she does not understand that is hurting her children worse.  And now it is effecting Stephanie who is upset about all of this and does not want to believe her sister has abandoned her and treats her son like she has been doing.

My concern is how do I let all of this stress not get me down and cause a MS flare-up?  I do know I am taking an entire 5mg of diazapam tonight before I go to bed.  I hope I do not see the lady beside my bed tonight like last night.  I will try hard tomorrow to have a better outlook and explain about that and list all of my goals for the new year.