annieagain's Journal

Tomorrow night I am going out to Summerfest to see a country singer-Phil Vasser at Milwaukee.  That as long as the storms do not stop the show or he gets held up in Minneapolis(the date I am going with).  I am excited about going to Summerfest something I has never considered since I got MS but now with this sweet man I can walk as long as I can and rest then walk again and he is okay with it, plus I am getting along so much better these days I think I should continue to live!  I had envisioned a rock concert as a step back to the real world and Mellencamp will be there so will Rush and TomPetty(but I have seen him) at least I am going to hear live music.  My last concert was Aerosmith and I stated I want to go and see live music till I am 100 years old and I did not mean the Little Rockin Dean'o that come to the Nursing Home!  I will have to take my LDN before the concert which is at 10 pm-that late night is a real challenge for me!  I am living dangerously lately!  My kids are going but are you sure you can do it 'Mom' they are demanding more than they are asking.  I have slept extra the last few days and I am totally confident in my date and how he feels about the date and us being together I know it will be a great time.  Once you know what you want and stop looking for it and become happy with yourself you find you can do all you want to do.  I am dealing with the divorce just fine now actually I am putting it together for me it is up to me.  I hope he(ex) can hang on to GF the boys like her so, because I will not be around to clean up his messes any more.  I feel good about going to school and cannot wait to start!  I am a much stronger parent now as well.  I now have a special friend in my life.  I have even talked to my oldest and her two youngest.  I told the lady from tysabryi and one from the MS society that now I just look as MS as another side part of me like now I am no longer blonde!  I am still nervous about trips to neurologist and tests but I am getting along great!

     This is the one thing I did that is so accepting of the new me! I Deanna the self described clothes and shoe hound went out this week and bought sensible shoes-black flat oxfords that tie and I wear them with short socks and shorts and I do not care.  My daughters almost fainted out right but I walk better in them!  I remind myself of the lady I knew as a child with MS and her shoes but she got around unassisted even camped she always a hero!   

I even threw away clothes gave some away some with tags it was wonderful I can now find the ones I wear must now find clothes to wear tomorrow night!

I am beginning to feel alot better,walking more and more with cane instead of walker and my balance is improving!  I am on second month of LDN and I have had 2 infusions of Tysarbi plus I have been almost subconsciouciously following the Swank diet.  But I feel great and I am not as scared anymore.  Still looking for the right pair of shoes but I still love to shop.  Steph is doing great she was at friend's house most of weekend and she had a great time with Nostaglia Days here in Zion even I enjoyed the cars the other day. 

Now my oldest son is still aggrevating me he is trying to talk Gary out of moving here he is so anti-me and all on his dad's side in this divorce.  Then the young man thinks he has never done anything wrong...I had to pick myself off the floor again I was laughing so hard on that one!   He is going off to San Bernadino soon with his girlfriend when she goes off to college and he stays with 7-11(I hope they have management programs) this is the one that they fight physically all the time last year!  I like her they are just too young.  Oh well he really thinks I know nothing.  I really think Gary wants to come live here it is just that Alex is feeling his head with junk maybe his dad.  I have some other things up my sleeve I am the real parent and he will come here after he finishes probation.  I am sick of my kids playing these games and ex directing them.  I will be so happy to have the divorce final and I will take retirement even if it means Alex will not talk to me. 

In reality I am very happy now I have sworn off dating sites and concentrating on only one person, will say more later! 

It is not really wrinkled I am too lazy to carry iron board to bedroom and I need to iron capri pants for doc tomorrow and t-shirt!  Of course I am aggrevated tonight and not at anyone just in general I guess.  My car is still sitting in parking lot and I want it fixed, I feel pretty good and would like to find a job even part-time.  And look at houses.  I feel good and I am doing so much more but yet I still feel different I know it is me, I have to knock it off my shoulder and go on!  My older sons are telling me that Gary should not move here cause if he did I would call police if he did something wrong.  Well smoking weed yes everything esle is decusion except stolen cars!  Now he is waiviering.  He went to court and they down talked me and stayed a needed a job and it needed to be more stable here.  I am always home and if not I go out to eat or shopping and make arraignments for Steph to be someplace else.  Unlike Dad who leaves Gary home with his 20 yo brother all the time so he can go and bop his girlfriend!  But I am the bad one according to Judge!   Well after the trash hes brothers are talking he is uncertain about coming here looks like the new gf has replaced me already!

Hopefully the neuro will send me someplace after tomorrow for my foot it is swollen and hurts very badley from when I fell after tripping on Stephanie's cord last weekend.  It  hurts to sit and walk some hope to get some help!  I am a clutz!