pkukid's Journal

Oh, where do I start??? yesterday I had to go to mom's because she needed me to drive her to a dr. appointment. Mom has 1 dog, 1 bird ( am mildly allergic to the dog) I got there and she needed me to go out and pick up some things for her so off I go into the asthma triggers( by the way she lives in greensboro,nc 2nd worst asthma/allergy city I'm thinking on earth) I got to the place and some guy across the street was cutting grass!!!! I did what I had to do anyway. My breathing had already gotten "kinda funky" just not bad enough yet to need inhaler...I thought I was going to get by without but as things usually happen I did need inhaler. Went to take her to the dr. walked into the waiting/reception area, don't know what did it but here came the uncontrolled cough , then here came the rescue inhaler OK now I feeling a little better by the time she got finished at the dr. it was nearly 1:00 and we're both starving so off we go to BK for lunch went home and ate then went to get some groceries came home and not 1 but 2 neighbors are cutting their grass!!!! went inside was fair at best then I started home driving home ( i suspect it was exaust fumes from cars driving on the road ) the coughing starts again and the inhaler come out again!!!!!!  Today tree pollen is very high and grass and weeds are non exixtant so I'm trying to do my "thing" before it gets too late so I can go and spend the rest of the day inside and hope I don't need inhaler again???

     I really can't understand why and what exactly is going on??? The allergy meds seem to take care of the allergy symptoms but when I have exposure to a trigger the result is asthma??? No one ever has explained that to me so I'm really scared!!! Iwake up every morning wondering if I'll need inhaler and how much??? I go to bed every night wondering if I'll be able to sleep through ( I usually don't have much problem now) I'm afraid to leave home EVER without my inhaler because I have 13 triggers and about everyday I need inhaler!!!! I'm REALLY SCARED that I might         die!!!! I don't usually have bad attacks but I just don't ever know??? My asthma has seemed to have gotten much worse since Nov. last year when I first got sick. I'm nearly obese and can't exercise because of my asthma. Ayear ago I could do a little but now almost nothing. My doctors don't seem to be concerned too much and I'm still waiting for them to say the "A" word and access the severity which I still don't know. I'm getting kinda depressed about al this , I  try not to let it bother me but just can't seem to get away from the fact that there's SOOOOOO much that I ( and my doctors ) don't know.  I think my peak flows are deceiving because when I wake up it's green and night time it's green and in between it's not green so they're thinking "Oh , you're in good shape, , peak flows are normal." That's not really the case though. had a headache for 3 days , don't know why, tired , irratible and still don't know why could it be that I'm getting ready to have "the big one" or is it something else... I just don't know how to not stress over it?????

     I have 2 bikes that I can't ride and I'm seriously thinking of selling them, I don't really want to but they're just gathering dust ( which I'm very allergic too- actually dust mites) I can't help holding on to some vague hope that the docs will figure out what it is , how severe it is and what to do to fix it and I can ride my bikes again!!!! but I'm a realist and realistically this may never happen so I'm in turmoil as to what to do???? Can anyone help me ???????