Njoy03's Journal

Journal Entry for May 29, 2008 Mood

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Well for those who have asked I deleted all my past journals as I felt I was moving on. I printed out the journals so someday I can read them to see how far I have come. However, just when I feel I have taken big steps forward my world seems to big hanging very loose. Turns out Tyler, my oldest has only one passing grade, a C in football. I am watching his life spiral down and at 17 I am not sure what I can do about it. His attitude is better but he is still hanging with the same group of kids. Could be he is still smoking pot and drinking. I have been so busy watching him on those things that I did not push the school work. So here it is the end of the year, his junior year and his grades are a mess. Kyle's grades are a bit better but he could use a little work also. However he is not failing anything.

So tonight stbx comes over. For those who know some of my story he bought a house. Kyle calls it the "crap house". It was vacant when he bought it and full of junk. Well he cleaned it out. There is no electricity, one water faucet, no toilet. Basically a shell of a house. So he has spent time on my couch and time sleeping in the basement of this place. Well today he had an inspection and only one floor passed. The basement failed and the upper floor. He says he needs an engineer. Too me it sounds like a big financial mistake. Sad part is we are just seperated so not sure where this puts me. It just makes me very uncomfortable. I hate to say it I also feel a bit sorry for him. But he choose to leave. We had problems and he had always said he would get a counselor but he never did. So one night I got into an argument with him (this was over a year ago) and he said the marriage was over. And so I am trying to move on. I gave him paperwork to fill out 2 weeks ago. He has done a little (I saw it). I want to discuss the property issues and move on. How can a man be so stupid. He buys a house no one has lived in for years. BTW it is quite a ways from where I live.

While I will continue this later as he is here now.

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Comments

Well hopefully Tyler is "safer" and not drinking and smoking. I would rather he repeat the grade and hopefully stay in school then to give up and drop out. Probably just way too much going on for him. When I first seperated from my X -- I kept hearing from so many that kids survive divorce all the time, yet I am seeing more and more that divorce does effect them. It truly does. I think if a divorce is going to happen then both parents should make the effort of staying in the kids life and avoid as little disruption as possible. Hence why I have stayed here in WV instead of moving back home to try to keep Carla as stable as possible. For Tyler, its sad that his Dad has not taken a more active role this past year. Sounds like he may be stepping up to the plate a bit more now, but damage has been done and it will take a long time to repair. Does having STBX around more bother Tyler more? Maybe Tyler is just as confused as you are. Not knowing what is up with Dad and such. D*** needs to talk to Tyler more and spend more one on one with him.
Oh Nancy I feel for you. Wish I knew what would help but got my own kid problems. We learn together though and support each other and help whichever we can. That is what us are here for.
I think D**** needs to know that his back and forth is just causing more confusion, pain and crap.

srambled
Nancy I understand the need to delete those entries I am with you but I am not printing mine out. I have SO MANY it is going to take me a whole day to delete mine. I am sorry to hear about your sons grades trust me I am seeing my daughters principal I am hoping she is able to pass. I am beginning to accept I have only so much control over my situation. You are a great mom and you are doing a great job. Keep moving your stbx forward for it will free you. You have a great deal going for you and I admire you a great deal. Hugs my friend. Chris

ChrisB
I understand buying the house, but then again, I know how much work it really is to fix one up. I think he did take more than he could chew.

Hang in there, your doing this for your boys, they are worth it and your strong enough to get through. He bought the house on his own and you are not obligated in any way to help out. Your doing enough by letting him stay there. Just do what you can to move forward, keep pushing the divorce forward and things will turn out just fine.

BCw3
I'm sure it's extremely frustrating for you that stbx made the decision to leave and you're the one who has to do all the work. Keep moving forward as you are. You will get through this the stronger person.
As far as Tyler, that's hard for me to comment on since I don't have any kids, but Tina is right. Maybe D needs to really have a heart to heart with him. I'm sure Tyler has a lot of issues with him and the fact that he left. I don't know if he's still seeing the counselor but that would probably be a good thing to continue. You're a great mom and doing the best you can. It's just a horrible situation that really affects everyone in so many different ways. Kids are hard to read at times, they don't let it known how they feel.

newlife7
well he made a choice, now he has to live with it, now you need to think about you and the kids, whats best for you all, don't worry about him, hope you have a good weekend, as i read you got alot of ds friends on here that care alot about you

tiggergirl4u