I slept right through work. No- …
I slept right through work. No- just kiddin'. Yesterday I kind of kept my pledge to wake up bright eyed and …
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So today is Thursday April 24, 2008. I just got back from school where I forced myself to go today....
In my FAMILY STUDIES COURSE today, I had a presentation, outline, cited paper, and brochure DUE. I had everthing prepared and I felt pretty good about my presentation.
So I was the 3rd person to give my speech, and my topic was not only personal, but it was about veterans and something we were taught not to show...our feelings...
I got to the end nearly and then it happened....
First my eyes began to water, but I tried to keep it together, but then my lip curled and my thoughts disappeared suddenly, my eyes began tearing up and i felt a rush of blood go straight to my head and I started to cry uncontrollably....my bady began to shake and had to oviously end the speech adn i walked out....
It's been nearly 2 hrs and I still cant stop crying. I don't know what this is or why it strikes me sometimes? It happened last October in school too and I got committed for PTSD.
A girl in my class came up to me and aksed if i wanted to talk and i was crying and couldnt look at her...i felt shame as I still do. She said she'd take me right away to the counseling center, but I knew if I went that I would probably get committed...
Why does this happen all the time? I mean I was just doing what any other normal student would do,,,,,and here I am, crying uncontrollably and i feel like I am gonna get committed for something that is out of my control.
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The reason we get committed is because we are not under our own control. The idea behind committing someone is that they can't keep themselves safe, it's not supposed to be a punishment. And hunny, you're not "normal". you've been through things your class mates haven't. Things they probably couldn't imagine. And everyone needs a good cry once in a while. I had one just tuesday. I came home from EMDR and lay down and cried and cried and cried, and skipped my favorite class cause I was feeling awful. I'm glad someone cared enough to ask you if wanted to talk and if they could help. And it doesn't happen all the time. It's not as if you cry uncontrollably everyday, right? Even if you did, no matter what you were taught, it's not shameful to show your emotions. It's a good thing to release them and not just bottle them up. I guess I wouldn't feel too proud of myself either if I broke down in front of a class, so i sympathize. But crying, that shouldn't be shameful. *hugs*
Sakura
Hi Pat. It's been a few days and I hope you're doing better. A similar thing happened to me a few years ago in oral communications class. I prepared a speech about schizophrenia and I used my little brother's experiences as examples. My emotions were pretty raw at the time. As soon as my introduction was complete I knew I'd never get through it without breaking down. I had to keep going for the grade, but I was right, I didn't make it. I cried in front of the whole class. I was so embarrassed. Thankfully, for me it was the final and I'd never have to stand in front of that class again. Only one person commented to me about it, and she told me she could tell I was very passionate about the subject. Well, who couldn't tell? It was obvious and the comment didn't help at all. The thing that does help is the fact that I had things I wanted people to know...something that was very important to me. In the end, what happened was probably more powerful than if I'd stood up there and recited my speech perfectly. Yeah, I truely think those people may understand the devistation of it. So many people don't understand unless they've been in another's shoes, what power some experiences have on other peoples' lives. By showing your emotions, though unintentionally, you may have helped someone understand the power of what you were trying to say. You are not crazy for having this happen to you. You are a human who feels so deeply about something that you have passion for it. Don't feel bad. Also, I think the subject of your presentation may be something you need to focus on. It's obviously causing you much pain. Though you opened up in front of so many of your peers, the good thing is that you opened up, and talking about issues that bother us is a great way to weaken their strength. The more you talk about it, the less power it has over you, and that makes it easier to live with. I know how you feel, I'm with you on this because I've been there. Hey, I could have done a speech on what makes a better pet, a cat or a dog, but I chose to speak about something that meant something, and I'm glad you did too. I hope your instructor will be merciful and let you try again. The biggest hug you've ever gotten from me, Love ya Pat. Kathy
KatyR