Rabbit11's Journal

Here's an update!

Okay, since my issue with JB, I've been going to the library to hang out with my family there. Keith was there on Tuesday and me and him talked. He is really mad! Seriously mad. He asked to see my wrists, so I showed him and I told him it was in my sleep. He held me as I cried. We went to the river to talk. While there I would walk towards the river and he would hold on to me really really tight. He saw that I was digging my nails into my skin, so he grabbed my hands looked at them and told me to squze his hands, so I did. He kept talking and talking to me as he held me, so I wouldn't jump into the river. This went on for a while. We then walked to the Stone Arch Bridge. When we got there we talked and he made me listen to the sounds of the waves. As we started to leave he made me put on his jacket because he thought I was cold. We then walked to the bus stop and while there he held me tight and checked my hands. While we were waiting I gave him numbers in case he was extreamly worried about me. I soon got on the bus and crashed out when I got home.

Yesterday, I was told I better go to the library or they would send someone to find me, so needless to say I did. When I got to the library, Keith, Eiryn, and I went to the river. We talked and when we got to the river, he check my hands and saw I was digging my nails into my body again. He grabbed my hands really quick and told me to squeeze his hands. So I did. While walking he asked to see my arms, so I started to show him, but he asked if there was any new marks and I told him no and he said "okay, I trust you." So we walked around the bank and he told me to stay away, so I stayed a foot away. I walked away and after a while he came looking for me and he saw that I was crying, so he gave me a hug and told me to talk to him.

So I talked to him and he calmed me down. I started to walk closer to the river and he grabbed me and held me telling me how much he loves his little sis (me) and that he doesn't want me to do something where it would cause him pain. He told me that I am an important part of our library family. I tried to get away and he kept holding me really tight. I mean Really Tight. So eventually he let me go and I walked far away and sat right along the water looking out thinking. After a while I went back to where Eiryn and Keith were sitting. Keith made a phone call and him and Eiryn walked off. I zoomed out and suddenly became someone who was a little child kinda. I brought back flowers for them and I went into my backpack and dug out my pills. Keith made me hand him all my pills in my bag and he looked at them and placed them into his pocket. I then grabbed my nail cutters and he made me give them to him. He placed them into his pocket and checked my arms and then held me tight along with Eiryn.

We started walking back and while walking back I started digging my nails into my skin and suddenly Keith grabbed me realizing I was upset and asked me what was wrong. He started pulling my arms apart and I wouldn't move my arms, so he pulled them harder and saw the marks on my hands. He got upset and him and Eiryn hugged me telling me that they are there for me and they love me. We got farther down Nicollet Mall and I kinda became someone who was a little out of it and kinda like a little kid. By that I mean I was wandering around touching things of different colors and textures. They realized it when we got near some thorn bushes, I was touching them and they pulled me away and when I tried get away they pulled/held me close to them tightly. While walking down Nicollet Mall they held onto me the whole way. When we got to McDonald's they wouldn't let me wonder anywhere away from them. When they sat down and I started walk away they told me not to go far. When they were done they held my hands again and when they got me to the bus stop they wouldn't let me go near the street. I held on to Keith tightly until I got on the bus.

So that's been going on with me. Other then that stuff I've been having a lot of panic attacks and having people constantly check on me because I'm extreamly suicidal, so needless to say I'm constantly checking in with my friends in the library.