Rabbit11's Journal

Okay here's what's going on.

During prom me and JB got into a fight about several things and he was telling me that he thinks I would cheat on him, but after I walked away (before doing or saying stupid) and came back in he was grinding on another female. I left prom a half hour early and went to the hotel. A while afterwards a group of friends came up including JB. Me and JB talked in the hallway while Georgie was out there with me. We worked things out, but I was still heated, so I decided to go on a walk and Georgie wouldn't let me go alone and we talked for a bit there.

After we came back, we all hung out playing Truth or Dare, 10 Fingers, and Spin the Remote (same as Spin the Bottle). Eventually we started to get ready for bed. Me and JB got into the bed and he kept feeling me up and trying go down my pants. I kept telling him no and eventually he gave up after like ten tries. Then he started telling me to grab his dick and I kept telling him no again and after the third time he grabbed my hand and forced it down his pants. Immediately, I got up grabbed the hotel key and walked out. I hanged out in the hallway and the security guard comes up and we start to talk. This guy was really nice!

After an hour I came back in and sat in the chair looking out the window. JB told me to go into bed and sleep I told him I wasn't the sleeping type in the night. Through out that time I was texting JJCook and he helped so much. (Thank you Chris!!!) Until 5 am the room was quiet except for the two that were getting laid in the other bed. So when they were done they turned on the light and I was laying on the floor with my eyes closed and they said "I wonder what happened. Ashley is asleep on the floor." I then said "I'm not asleep. I'm just laying down because my back hurts." They then told me that I scared them. 

Soon JB woke up and everyone else fell asleep finally and he wanted to talk. We talked about how I feel, what are some of my issues I deal with, and my trust issues. He then told me that he wouldn't do nothing to hurt me and I can trust him. So we talked for a long time. He told me that he thought I wanted to have sex with him, but what gets me is I kept telling him no and he didn't stop. After talking for an hour he made me go to sleep. I woke up to the phone ringing. I then after talking on it made everyone wake up. We did our thing in the morning.

Soon we left and we got everyone home and I feel asleep until Sunday morning. I woke up and went to church. While praying I broke down, I fell to my knees crying and after church I went home and did my thing there and went to sleep. I woke up this morning and found cuts on my arm. I don't remember me cutting myself, but I did find a knife on the side of my bed with blood. I don't remember doing it! Now, I'm trying to decide if I need to reset my goal thing here. I went to sleep without cutting

Today, I went to school and found out it was advisory second period and just as I was leaving Stephen told me that he wanted to talk to me and asked me to stay for him, so I decided to stay. After doing advisory, me and him talked. I told him what happened and he got mad! He then told me that JB has been known to be a predator towards little kids. I asked him "is that why you were nervous about me going out with him?" He told me "yes." He then continued to say that I need to get out of that relationship because if he is this controlling now, it's only going to get worse. He then told me that he would kick is ass for me because he thinks of me as his own child and he doesn't want anything to happen to me. I told him that sometimes I think it's easier to go lesbian then be bisexual because at least with females I've dated that I know what I'm getting. I also told him that I'm tired of dealing with men like that. Also, that if Georgie wasn't at the hotel to help me I would have tried to kill myself with the bottles of pills in my bag  So we finished talking and I came home and now I don't know what to do anymore.

You guys, I need prayers. Can you all please give in site to what you think. I'm upset and confused and lonely! Please anything!!! *cries*