rmaia's Journal

Today is Thanksgiving. I vascillate between OK and angry today. I feel lied to b my supervisor- ad I do feel some was personal on her part. My eval came hours before my lay off and she told me I needed to work o communication and that was on past evals- it was but in a different context than she was speaking about-- my former sup had suggested proofreadig more thouroughly and writing i a more direct fashion- less flowery and more facts vs feeling....I had improved that since then- current sup had listenned to a few clients who stir up stuff and one co-worker who has stabbed multiple others in the back in the past (warned by multiple fmr coworkers) ad an instance in which I went to her for advice on how to hande a situation with a casemanager ad her supervisor- in which my sup told me I handled it fine.....AAARRRRGGGHH- well i my eval I told my sup I was upset as I considered communication to be one of my strengths- I then said that I did not suppose she would support taking me to raise pool with that kind of evaluation- and said I was not happy with the eval....hours later I am told no program no job. WHe it was realyed to my coworkers and other agency- it was done as on the basis of referrals we are TEMPORARILY suspending operations....if this was really the case then they would have kept me on and had me rework issues- or moved me ad had my coworker rework them...I doubt that the referring agency will referr ay clients now that they dropped the ball on the few I was using to rebuild reputation with.

Good news- I had a call on my ansr. machine for a job interview for a position I have really wanted- and had applied for while working. Have to schedule it on Monday! It is a reentry job.

Today I need to reframe. I am thankful that :

my husband is stil with me and has found ways to support me ad is wanting to work on our financial situation

that my retirement fund may help see us through my layoff without as much pain

the chance I was give to help people grow and make changes in the job i had

the friendships that grew from my past job

I am not alone this time in my jobsearch- many former coworkers are so supportive

My children are healthy and bright

Alec can go to the school he does- he loves it

I have a wonderful stepson who loves his baby brothers and is present in our lives

I am healthy for the most part

we weathered the flu

We have our home and cars

My parents assisting us with what they can

AJs parents beign near so if they need anything with their health we can do it, and so ALec ad Damian can know his family

My sisterinlaw's engagement- it means she finally feels safe enough to consider marriage again (her guy  and his faily have been wonderful to her daughter- our niece for the last 2/3 years)

My aunts and cousins

That Kacy and Jer are having children near my kids age...hope they can know each other!

A clean small home

A small mortgage payment.

My grandfather telling me I am a Ruby and that I can do it. If my Great grandfather built a womens coat factory to lose it to fire when he had been a millionaire ad the rebuild after the great depression- I can handle this. My grandfather built an accounting firm after coming back from WWII and not being considered hirable- his firm still exists in Montreal after he is gone- Ruby Stein and Wagner- I beleive.

My dogs

My step grandmother Lilly

My moms mom teaching me how to bake, and teaching me some patience while trying to teach me to sew. Grandmas perspective on life and family and love for kids.

That when I roll out cookie dough or pie crust I ca remember the feel of my grandmas powdery soft paper thin skin ad her warm hands and the smell of folowers and talcum powder that was the essence of her.

The iris from her garden that blooms in my yard  now every year.

My mom- she is amazing- she learned to talk and walk all over again after having ARDS 7 years ago- she also has this way of being atural with children- they have always gravitated to her knowing who she really was.

My dad is amazing- he is really trying to make changes in his life after so many years of burnout- I can talk to him now.

that after this list I feel so much better