defenderdarksun's Journal

I can feel half my brain not working, just not working, not alive, no longer is on line. It shut off and it eats at the remaining sleepy side of the other half, off line, asleep, dead, no longer working. It is off and I don't know what to do. It controls my ability to hold my hand still, to consintrate on one thing. I need order, I need to fix everything away, there is no way to stop it.

I have no single thought that stops long enough in my brain to be a real idea as it flys endlessly into crashing ideas that fill my mind so utterly there is nothing that is more than it isn't. like a black hole yet I can read every energy that comes from it.

Every single, moment I have every single thing that could have ever been, ever will be and forever is, flows in and out and I comprehend nothing of everything.  My mind has conqured all these things and at the same time has lost more than I have ever gained. I have to small a brain as to know anything.

An endless pulling, for knowledge, for space, for all things tere is more and nothing that could or could never be but a breath unto which the only keeper has lost the only little key to what nothingness can ultimetly lead to. Everly little thing falls seemlessly upon all and nothing for within each word is the kingdom of the words, listless and likeining to no other thing in time.

A blank of ideal and a blink in the air that pulls from a future a placement. Surprise of life comes not in the knowing, for all knowing comes not from face, but in the search, the quest. If ones has all things known than there is no reason with which to live.

HERES HOW IT WORKS PEOPLE. DON'T FRICKEN TELL ME ANY DAMNED THING ABOUT ANY DAMNED THING I'M GOING THROUGH OR AM BECAUSE UNLESS YOUR LIVING OR HAVE LIVED IT YOU HAVE NO FRICKEN CLUE WHAT THE HELL ITS LIKE. DON'T FRICKEN TELL ME THE REASON I CUT IS BECAUSE I HAVE POOR SELF IMAGE. DON'T FRICKEN TELL ME HOW I AM SUPPOST TO BELIEVE IN GOD. DON'T FRICKEN TELL ME ANY DAMNED THING BECAUSE IF YOUR NOT LIVING IT ITS OF NO FRICKEN BUSINESS OF YOURS TO TELL ME ANYTHING.  SO BACK THE HELL OFF AND YOU KNOW WHAT JUST BACK THE HELL OFF. I AM IN NO FRICKEN MOOD TO LISTEN TO ANYTHING.