fairydust28's Journal

Wed 7:43am - I am a complete wreck this morning. I was okai a few hours ago. Smiling, singing along to random songs...and now? EMOTIONAL DOWNPOUR! Ugh...I can't stop crying. On thop of that this whole cold/throat/chest infection thing is doing my head in now. I've had it 5 days and it won't fuck off. My throat is so sore. And I can't stop moaning!!! Poor litle me, I have it so bad. I sound so damn spoiled.

It's my brothers 18th bday today. He's confident, smart, charismatic, funny. He's got a  great future ahead of him. Whereas me...I'm only 3 and a bit years older...and my whole life feels like it's dead. I'm numb. Everything is so terrifying to me.

I've lost some weight but I feel so shitty still. No doubt because I binged yday. And there's a birthday in the house today. And if any of you have ever been trying to lose weight then you'll know how hard it is to eat healthily when there's takeaway chinese and pizza in the air and a massive birthday cake. Not to mention all the party snacks. And it's 10 times harder when the fact that you're dieting is a secret! They expect me to fill my face full of crap today and if I don't they're going to give me weird looks...make comments...get nosey!

HW: 256 lb [18.4st]

CW: 226 lb [16.2st]

GW: 196 lb [14.0st]