GzusThug's Journal

THANK YOU FOR THE HAPPY FATHERS DAY WISHES.

IT GOT ME THINKIN' HERE ON THE MIGHTY WESTSIDE OF THE US WITH ABOUT 9 MINUTES BEFORE IT IS OFFICIALLY FATHERS DAY HOW MUCH THE WORD FATHER AND SPACIFICLY DADDY OR DAD MEANS TO ME.  THAT WORD HAS BEEN THE MOTIVATION OF MY GREATEST PAINS IN LIFE AS WELL AS MY GREATEST LOVES IN LIFE.  I THANK GOD(DAD) THAT THE PAIN WAS NEVER DUE TO PHYSICAL ABUSE, ABANDONMENT, OR MISTREATMENT AS IS THE CASE FOR MANY SADLY, BUT FOR THE INSTANT AND UNEXPECTED DEATH(HEART ATTACK) OF MY DAD ON DECEMBER 21, 1991 WHICH OF COURSE WAS WITHIN A WEEK OF NOT ONLY THE CELEBRATION OF CHRIST'S BIRTH, BUT IT WAS ALSO WITHIN A WEEK OF HIS(MY DAD) ONLY BEGOTTEN SON'S  14TH BIRTHDAY ON DECEMBER 28TH.  THAT DAY DESTROYED ME AND MADE ME VERY ENRAGED WITH GOD FOR SEVERAL MONTHS FOR I DID NOT KNOW HIM AT THE TIME.  15 AND A HALF MONTHS LATER, ON APRIL 7, 1993(4793) THAT WAS NO LONGER THE CASE.  ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT AT 8:15PM, HIS SPIRIT CAME DOWN TO A WILD AND REBELOUS 15 YEAR OLD, AND SAID HE WANTED TO BE MY DADDY FOR HE KNEW HOW MUCH I LOVED MY DAD, AND HOW HIS DEATH LEFT ME ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD WITH NO HOPE, SUPPORT, OR MOTIVATATIONAL SYSTEM IN MY LIFE THAT MY DAD HAD ALWAYS PROVIDED FOR ME IN EVERY WAY, SHAPE AND FORM.  MY DAD WAS MY SISTER'S AND I SINGLE PARENT, AND ALTHOUGH OUR MOM DID SCOOP US UP FROM UTTER DESTRUCTION AFTER HIS DEATH,(GOD BLESS THAT WOMEN) HE WAS WHAT OUR WORLD HAD REVOLVED AROUND, BECAUSE LOVING, SUPPORTING, ENCOURAGING, COACHING, AND MOTIVATING HIS 2 KIDS WAS WHAT HIS WORLD REVOLVED AROUND, AND ON THE FIRST DAY OF WINTER, SATURDAY MORNING AT 8AM HE WAS GONE.  (I SCANNED HIS PICTURE OF HIM AND HIS 2 TODDLERS, BUT KEPT IT IN THE FRAME HENCE THE DARK SHADOW OVER THE PICTURE.  IT IS KIND OF SYMBOLIC OF HIS DEATH PRODUCING A DARK SHADOW OVER MY SISTER AND I'S LIVES.)

JESUS PICKED UP HIS 2 KIDS OUT OF THE PROVERBIAL GUTTER WITHIN A YEAR AND A HALF LATER AND TOOK THE 2 GREAT KIDS THAT ARE DAD MADE US TO BE IN SUCH A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME AND CONTINUED HIS WORK OF MAKING TWO MIGHTY WARRIORS OF FAITH.

HAPPY FATHERS DAY DADDY...THANK YOU FOR BEING MY DAD SINCE APRIL 7TH OF 1993...15 MONTHS AFTER THE DEATH OF MY EARTHLY DAD.

THIS BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND PART OF THE MEANING OF FATHERS DAY WHICH HAS BEEN A LOT MORE DOCUMENTED ALREADY.

IT ALL STARTED WITH A SMALL PACKAGE I WAS GIVEN DURING A DINNER WITH MY WIFE AT GARCIAS.  INSIDE THE PACKAGE WAS AN EMMITT SMITH ONESY AND A LETTER TO ME FROM MY CHILD FROM THE WOMB.  I WAS IN TEARS.  I WAS GOING TO GET THE OPPORTUNITY TO FORFILL MY DREAM OF BEING A DADDY.  THAT NIGHT, IN A PRAYER, I PROMISED MY DAD THAT I WOULD BE AS INCREDIBLE OF A DAD AS HE WAS, BUT FOR GOD-WILLING MUCH MUCH LONGER.  SUZANNE COULD NOT HAVE BROKEN THE NEWS TO ME IN A MORE PERFECT WAY...SHE WAS VERY THOUGHTFUL AND KNEW ME TO A "T".

WE DIDN'T FIND OUT THE SEX OF THE BABY UNTIL THE BIRTH, BUT WE HAD 2 NAMES PICKED:  ROBERT DEION, AND MARIAH NOEL.  WE BOTH HAD THE FEELING AND THE HOPE THAT IT WAS GOING TO BE A BOY, SO WE WERE TRYING TO COME UP WITH A HIP NICKNAME FOR THE SECOND ROBERT.  WE BOTH DIDN'T LIKE THE TIPICAL "SECOND" NICKNAMES LIKE JUNIOR OR BUBBA, SO AFTER WATCHING FOOTBALL HIGHLITES WITH DEUCE McCALISTER AND DUCE STALEY, SUZANNE THOUGHT OF THE HIP NICKNAME OF DEUCE, AND I FELL IN LOVE WITH IT IMMIDIATELY BEING THE HUGE FOOTBALL FAN THAT I AM.  IT EVEN HAD AN URBAN OR HIP-HOP FEEL TO IT WHICH WAS ALSO RIGHT UP MY ALLEY.  6 MONTHS BEFORE "IT'S" BIRTH, IT WAS SETTLED, DEUCE IT WAS, AND WE WERE SAYING DEUCE WHENEVER WE WOULD TALK ABOUT THE FETUS.  PLUS IT IS A LOT BETTER THAN SAYING IT OR THE FETUS.  WELL, ON AUGUST 7TH OF 2003 THE UNKNOWN SEX BABY KNOWN AS DEUCE POPPED OUT, AND LUCKILY, OUR DREAMS AND OUR GUT FEELING WAS RIGHT AND OUR BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY WAS BORN.  ROBERT DEION HAS BEEN DEUCE EVER SINCE ALTHOUGH NOT ON ANY OFFICIAL PAPERWORK.

HE HAS HAD ALL THE PERSONALITY, UNIQUENESS, AND CHARISMA THAT HIS NAME IMPLIES.  HE TRULY IS THE "SECOND ROBERT".  TO STEAL A LINE FROM THE BIBLE...THAT IS MY SON FOR WHOM I AM WELL PLEASED.

ALTHOUGH, OUR MARRIAGE PAINFULLY FAILED 3 AND A HALF YEARS AFTER HIS BIRTH, WE CREATED THE MOST WONDERFUL LITTLE BOY THAT WE COULD EVER IMAGINE.  LIKE I HAVE SAID BEFORE, ALTHOUGH I AM NOT ABLE TO BE WITH HIM AS MUCH AS I WOULD LIKE TO RIGHT NOW, HIS LIFE IS IN THE HANDS OF A MOST AMAZING MOTHER WHO I COULD NOT HAVE SCOURED THE EARTH FOR A BETTER WOMAN TO BE MY SON'S MOTHER.

I AM SO PROUD TO BE THE DADDY OF THAT PRECIOUS LITTLE BOY. HE IS A CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK AND ABSOLUTLY GEORGOUS IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF.  HE IS A MINITURE VERSION OF ME WITHOUT THE ROUGH EDGES THAT COME FROM TAKING 14 YEARS OF PARENTING AND THEN RAISING MYSELF WITH THE INFLUENCE OF JESUS AND THE INFLUENCE OF THE THUG(SURVIVOR) CULTURE OF THE STREETS IN THE HOOD...GZUS THUG.

I LOVE YOU DAD, I LOVE YOU JESUS...THANK YOU FOR BEING MY 2 DADS, AND RAISING ME TO BE THE MAN AND THE DAD THAT I AM TODAY.

THANK YOU SUZANNE, THANK YOU DEUCE...THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO FORFILL MY LIFELONG DESTINY TO CARRY ON THE ARDEN-MEN LEGACY OF MAKING EVERY EFFORT TO BE THE VERY BEST DAD THAT MY 2 DADS WERE AND ARE TO ME, AND THEIR DADS WERE AND ARE TO THEM.

AND AS ALWAYS...

PEACE AND LOVE,

ROB AND DEUCE.

ETERNAL!